Craving Something More

"Unsettle me, Lord."

That's the title of my devotion that I read this evening. It perfectly describes what I'm feeling. After reading the thoughts of author Lysa TerKeurst in the "Made to Crave" devotional, I was inspired to write in my journal.

Shake me lose from complacency.
Shift my thoughts from accepting status quo, what it is, to what things could be.
Help me turn to You for comfort, not food. For celebration, not food.
Renew my zeal for wellness.
Renew my commitment to caring for my body.
My body does not feel loved currently. My body feels discomfort, pain,lethargic, dis-ease.
Renew me.
Transform my mind.

I'm not sure what it is that lets me think it's ok to eat sweets. I know how my body will react, but I do it anyway.

For example, Girl Scout Cookies.

I can't say no. I should. But I don't.

I know I can't eat Just a normal serving. I eat a whole row. Or a whole box. In one sitting.

But every year I tell myself, I'll just get one box each of my two favorite kinds, and that's all I'll get. And I'll make them last longer than the year before.

And every year is the same as the one before. They never last long.

I bought two boxes this year. They lasted a total of three days from when I opened the first box to when I threw the empty second box away.

Three days.

Two boxes in three days.

And now I feel awful. Not just the upset stomach from too many sweets. There's also the mental berating of myself for eating them all so fast.

Oh, and all the sugar aggravates my arthritis so my joints feel painful. And it inflames the knot in my shoulders. So I'm just feeling peachy right now.

And that's why I penned the above in my journal.

And I shared it here as a reminder to my future self. And maybe, hopefully, to let others know they are not alone. 

The journey after losing 100 pounds is not easy.

But I'm worth it. And I'm NOT going back again.