What's the Why

I've lost my vision.

I lost my focus on my reasons and now I can't see them anymore.

I'm frustrated, feeling defeated and hopeless

I spent some time on the phone this evening with a friend taking about her why. It helped me figure out my what, but not my why.

So I dug in a little deeper after we got off the phone.

I want a quick fix, but I know that won't be a lasting fix. I need to reconnect to my why or find a new why. Or both. This is gonna be like making brisket, a slow process done with love and careful attention. This isn't easy peasy Mac'n'cheesy! Besides briskets way better, and better for you!

My old why of wanting to play volleyball and to run is gone. My body simply cannot do those because of my irreversible joint damage.

But I still want to be able to chase my little nephews and niece around.
And I still want people to see on the outside the me that's buried inside. I know that hasn't happened for several months.

And then thinking of a few new whys, I looked at my the words for this year: freedom, life, abundance.

I want FREEDOM to move with grace and ease (especially while I'm dancing - I feel held back by my extra weight).
I want FREEDOM to wear all of the clothes in my closet. (I feel sick in the same few stretchy pants and long shirts that hide the tummy I don't like and thighs that are thicker.)
I want to live a LIFE with ABUNDANT joy and energy to chase my dreams! (I feel stuck without energy in a lackluster cycle of monotony. I'm not living to the fullest.)

So now I've got my what (freedom, life, abundance), and my whys. Next step, figure out the how... which I already know I just need to get back to doing.