I am Beloved

I've been going through something difficult. I'm trying really hard to not let it get me down. Trying to not focus on it and let worry drag me down.

It's not easy. Just going grocery shopping was hard because I'm carrying so much tension in my body this weekend. I haven't been able to fully let go of this thing,,too stop worrying about it.

I sat in the Hy-Vee parking lot just now crying and using my tools, my skills, to process my feelings. I came to the conclusion that it's just hard right now. But I won't let this situation define me. "This defines me," I said to myself as I rubbed my arm over my tattoo.

And then I sang this childhood song to myself, "I am my Beloved's and He is mine..."

I'm not going to let this situation define me. I will let it refine me. I will go through this hard thing and come out better and stronger than before. This is the hard way, but I'm not going through it alone. My Beloved is with me, and I am His.

This grown up version of my childhood song of comfort:
https://youtu.be/qxPpOZXNL-w

Welcome & Rest

Exhausted.
Overwhelmed.
Frazzled.
Restless.

My mind won't stop. Even during yoga.

I've been too busy and I just need to slow down and rest. But I don't know when that will happen. I was even reading a 4-day email devotion series about slowing down to rest, just last week. It resonated with me. And yet this week I've felt non-stop. This week has rushed by, yet Monday seems so long ago.

I just want life to slow down. I want to have nothing to do today so I can rest. I need rest. Yet in an hour I'm off to my part-time summer job. Then I said I would stop by a friend's house. Then I want to go dancing tonight so I can see people I know instead of sit home alone (and learn the next part of the choreography for the flash mob). And I need to work on preparing for my in-person class I'm teaching in the morning. And I need to prepare materials for online class I'm going to teach soon. And. And... the list goes on.

But I just want to stop.

Isn't this why God created the Sabbath? He knew we needed to slow down and rest. And yet I haven't had a true Sabbath in ages.

I found myself yesterday wishing for the start of the school year to get here so life would slow down (crazy, I know)!

But this is life. It doesn't slow down, at least not permanently. It keeps going. We all have to learn how to manage our stress in healthy ways. So today I've got my "Stress Away" essential oil blend on and I'm going to give myself lots of grace and love. (And perhaps a nap after work.) And tomorrow, after class, I'm going to give myself a Sabbath. Total permission to care for myself. Some napping, some yoga, some reading, some healthy cooking, and some exercise.

This place today feels hard, but I won't be here forever. And I am loved. I am loved by my Creator; He calls me His beloved daughter. I call him Father. And Friend. Healer. He is my safe place to go when life is overwhelming. Friends, do you know that you can go to Him too? His arms are open wide waiting for you, no matter where you've been or what you've done. You are always welcome in His arms.

And this is a safe space, too. In the Urban Hiker Girl world, in my life, we are authentic, open, graceful. You are welcome here. You are loved, just as you are. May you feel the love of our Father pouring over you and filling up the empty, hurting places inside. May you feel His healing touch in your life. May you remember that you are ALWAYS His beloved child. NO MATTER WHAT.

No Longer a Slave to Fear

The old me lived in fear of being discovered for who I really am. Fear that I would not live up to other people's standards. Fear that the walls I built to protect myself would be broken through. I was a people-pleaser trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be.

I no longer live in that fear. I know I am a beloved child of God. He made me perfect and wonderful, in His image. I am His beloved.

Words

Your words matter- what you tell yourself, what you say to others. Let your words bring life.



My mother shared some healing words with me this evening. She was just thinking of the conversation I'd had with her the night before and had a suggestion for me on how to approach the person who'd said the hurtful words the day before.

I'd just arrived in the fitness center at the apartment complex and was getting ready to start my workout when she called. It was a time of day she doesn't usually call, so I figured it was important. It was. Her words brought tears to my eyes; tears of gratitude for her loving support and Godly wisdom. I have an amazing mother.

She suggested that I approach the person with some Biblical wisdom. God loves me because He made me. He loves me because of who I am- I am His. I am His beloved child, a daughter of the King. No matter what I look like, my Heavenly Father will always love me because of who I am (and Whose I am). I need this person's love to reflect the kind of love God has for me- a love that looks past my physical appearance and sees me for who I am.

I thanked my mother for sharing these wise words and told her I loved her. These words kept tears close to the surface as I completed my workout as they kept ruminating in my mind. (In fact, a couple times I had to stop and take some deep breaths to keep the tears from pouring out. I'd let them fall later, in private, I told myself.)

I'm not sure I'm ready yet to approach the person who hurt me with their words, but I'm grateful for my mother's Godly wisdom and timely advice. I am blessed.