Bad Habit

Facebook reminded me of a post today that I made in this blog one year ago. (read it here) It was about being too busy. And just before I opened up Facebook, I'd been laying in bed thinking about how I am too busy lately, and I need to take stock of what I've been doing lately and evaluate what's most important to me. 

Something's gotta give and unfortunately it's been my health lately. I was commenting to my trainer that I am too mentally and physically exhausted to work out this weekend even though I'm "supposed to". Poor eating habits and lack of sleep at night so my body feels off. My digestive system has been feeling unhappy this week and I've noticed that my skin and face are lacking their usual glow. I don't like the way all of this is making me feel.

Skip ahead a few days as I revisit the start of this post. I dictated the first part into my phone's Blogger app over the weekend. Tonight, I'm sitting at home, having just watched last night's episode of Dancing With The Stars. Usually I'm out dancing at the Gallivan Center to live big band music on Tuesday nights, but tonight I listened to my body. I'm tired from not enough sleep, my knee was feeling funny as I walked upstairs to my apartment on my way home from work, and I just wasn't sure the weather was going to be nice enough for dancing outdoors (since my phone app kept giving me severe weather alerts). Bearing in mind my need to listen to my body and my desire to play volleyball tomorrow night (and possibly Thursday night), I decided that it would be in my best interest to stay home tonight and rest.

This bad habit of being too busy is hard to break (since I'm still working on it a year later), but I am working on it. Reflecting on my gratitude for listening to my body is a big step in this process. Yes, I'm sad that I missed the dance event this evening, especially because these outdoor concerts will be ending soon since fall is arriving. But I'm also grateful that I had a fun, full day today, and that I have a fun, full day to look forward to tomorrow. And I'm grateful that I had some time at home this evening to put my feet up and slow down. Hopefully by listening to my body tonight I'll be able to enjoy volleyball (and Sonic afterwards) tomorrow without my body reminding me of regrets for not listening and caring for myself.

But check on me, just in case, to make sure I'm checking in with myself and listening to my body.... it's still a habit in progress.

Strong and Beautiful

These last two weeks have provided me with some good reminders of things that are important to me: a good night's sleep,  healthy eating, dancing, and semi-competitive volleyball. ...though I haven't been reminded because of their presence but because of their absence.

Two weekends ago I missed my usual Friday and Saturday night dancing because of a weekend trip with a friend. We had some interesting adventures for sure, but they weren't part of my usual routine.  That's ok, but this week I really noticed their absence.

I also noticed the absence my healthy eating habits overt the weekend. Not only did it affect me physically, but also mentally. I'm not sure why I keep letting these slips happen when I know it makes me feel doubt myself and feel physically off balance.

On top of that was the irregular sleep patterns, which added to my mental stress and self doubt. I finally gave myself permission on Thursday and Friday to do what I needed to get enough sleep so that I didn't feel like I was dragging through the day. Now I need to keep up the good sleep habits.

Ahhh....and dancing and volleyball. I know I've shared this with some people before, but let me say it again: when I dance I feel beautiful, and when I play volleyball I feel powerful and strong. I love those feelings. I crave those reminders each week.

So here's to self-care and good mental and physical health.

Pain In The...

This makes the rest time even harder... because I am a dancer.

Driving home from dance lesson this evening I was on the verge of tears. Even now as I write this the tears are coming back to the surface.

I hate knee pain.

I hate that I have to slow down and listen to my body. I'm tired of resting. Of feeling like I'm living life on the sideline.

Oh, here come the tears.

My body hurts. Don't push through the pain. It'll do more damage to my body later on. I'll end up needing knee replacement, too.

I miss doing the things I love - dancing, volleyball, running, hiking. I don't feel like myself. I can't do what I love and I feel sad. And angry. Why is my body letting me down? Why is my body doing this to me? Why?!

I know I need to rest. I'll appreciate it later when my body doesn't hurt from an injury, but right now it sucks. Pain is keeping me from doing the things I enjoy and living my life the way I want to.

But I'm obeying my trainer. And most importantly, I'm listening to my body. Body says stop, so I stopped. I walked out of my dance lesson only 20 minutes into the hour long class. My knee said this might not be good, so I stopped.

And here I am writing a blog about it and crying....