A Blessing in Disguise

Two years ago, at Christmas time, I started my better health journey. I made a plan with goals, mini-goals, and steps to help get me there. I made that goal last year and have been keeping up with things since then. 

But since earlier this year I've been struggling to find my motivation to keep going. To keep going through the motions of "exercising". I needed a new goal. And so I found one - a 5 k. I've done three 5ks and feel very proud of my accomplishments, but.... I'm struggling again. I need a new goal.

Don't forget to count your blessings this Thanksgiving.
Remember, they could be disguised!

I set a goal of a 10k. I did the training. But there aren't many 10ks available to run; and I'm picky about running outside - I don't do it in the cold. It's too hard to breathe. After completing the 10k training, I decided my next goal would be a half-marathon. Something big.

But speaking of hard to breathe....I've been sick for a month. First walking pneumonia for 3 weeks. No exercise. Rest was the doctor's orders, and a prescription. And then I was better for about a week. I played volleyball late one night. And I even did a half-hearted run on the treadmill twice before getting sick again.

Now I'm sick again, this time with a sinus infection (yuck!), and back to resting - no exercise. 

At first I was really bummed that I couldn't get back to my regular workout routines. I was afraid I would get fat again without exercise. Afraid that I wouldn't be able to control (limit) enough what I ate so I would over-consume calories without burning enough calories. 

And yes, I'll admit, at first I did go up a few pounds on the scale. But the scale also came back down. Without a run. Without a long walk. Without the elliptical machine. I did it by controlling (balancing) what I ate, with the light activity that I had the energy for (work and dancing twice a week). 

I didn't realize it until just the other morning what a blessing my sicknesses were in disguise. I learned that I could maintain a healthy weight without living at the gym, without relying on exercise calories burned to allow me to eat more. I could do it. I did it. I'm going to keep doing it. 

Because I'm amazing!

Overwhelmed

Tuesday I was feeling overwhelmed by emotions. At the time, I really had no idea why, but I was losing it. I was crying for no reason. I was feeling anxious, irritable, and confused. I thought that exercising might help, but in the midst of planking I started bawling again. No clue why, but I was overwhelmed.

I tried to do my EBT meditation, and that helped for a moment, but then a few moments later I was bawling again for seemingly no reason.

I decided to give myself the night off. Trying to attempt my "to do" list was stressing me out more, so I made a little dinner of potatoes O'Brien and scrambled eggs (which, just my luck, I burned a little), and then I sat down to knit. Knitting is usually a relaxing activity for me and it helped me Tuesday night. And around 9:30 pm, I sent myself to bed a little earlier than usual.

Wednesday morning I woke up to the "Overwhelmed" playing on the radio.



As I listened, I connected with the desire to be overwhelmed by God, not by my emotions and so I pondered again, why was I feeling this way?

My shoulders hurt, like I was carrying a lot of tension, but the day had been pretty good.
My joints hurt, especially my legs, like I'd run outside instead of on the treadmill, but I hadn't.
I was tired, but I'd gotten a fair amount of sleep.
My stomach hurt, but I thought I'd eaten pretty well. Ok, so maybe not great, but a can of Progresso was better than fast food, right?

So, why was I feeling like this? And then it hit me: all the sugar from Thanksgiving dinner. Cranberry jell-o salad, two slices of pie, ice cream, and whipped cream. And another slice of pie the next day. Yep, that would do it to me.

As soon as I had that realization, I felt a wave of peace wash over me. I felt peace knowing  what was "wrong" with me. They were just feelings, and feelings are neither right nor wrong, but I was confused as to why I was feeling them.

Armed with this knowledge, I have been trying fiercely to cut out sugar, except for the natural kind from my diet. I had a little hiccup last night as I had some pop with dinner. I noticed that I'm still slightly irritable this morning (but that could also be because the caffeine in the pop kept me up late). But, I'm doing SOOOOOO much better than I was on Tuesday. I'm no longer feeling overwhelmed by emotions and instead letting myself be overwhelmed by God's love and care for me.

Thanksgiving Plans

I started mentally processing what my plans for Thanksgiving would be a few weeks ago. For the meal that is. What and how I would eat. When and if I would exercise. Nothing completely definite yet as I will be a house guest so it can be hard to say for sure what the menu will be or what the day will hold, but I know what I can and need to do to take care of myself: limit the carbs and sweets to my body feels good. Try to get physical activity/movement in as able.

I also decided that this was a week that I was going to try to just hold steady. Sort of practice for when I reach my weight goal of maintaining it. I had a big loss last week so it would only be fitting to maintain, and in light of the holiday this week it seems even more fitting to not try to push myself too hard to lose weight, but to just try to hold steady.

So, this morning I changed my settings on my food tracker to "maintain current weight" and it automatically upped my calories. I get about an extra 800 calories more than what I'd been eating to lose 1.5 lbs a week. Wow! I'm already planning to conserve calories the day before and after, therefore allowing myself to enjoy all the food I want on Thanksgiving day without fear of going over my calorie goals. I am also going to listen to my body and not over eat. There will be leftovers. I can always have more later (except our GBC- that always goes quickly so I hope we make lots!). Listen to my body. Eat slowly so that I can enjoy the food and so that I can gauge how full I'm getting or if I still have room for one more helping.

I know that some of these goals are vague and may be hard to keep, but I've still got a few more days to solidify things and giving myself freedom from worry about calories and weight loss/gain feels very significant for me. I feel proud that I'm taking care of myself this way.

Please share your Thanksgiving survival plans.