Out Of My Control

So I this week started reading a Bible study book called "Unglued" by Lisa TerKeurst, a Proverbs 31 Ministries online Bible study. I'm on chapter 2 and I'm on my second reading up the chapter. As I read I like to read once just to absorb information. The second time I read I like to underline passages and take notes.

So, today I'm on my second reading of chapter 2 entitled "I'm not a freak out woman". I've read again and again words along the lines of  "I can face things that are out of my control without acting out of control."

And yeah, sure I believe that in a lot of areas of my life. In fact, I was great at that yesterday when I was at the dealer waiting for my car that was getting recall work done. I first got a phone call from my bank saying there has been fraudulent activity on my bank card. They had to close my card and transferred me to customer service to get a new card activated, but I won't get it for a week or so. Until then I have to pay for everything with cash. And just after I got off the phone with my bank the attendant at the car station comes in and tells me that there's no oil in my car and they want to do some tests and repairs are going to cost a couple hundred dollars. I had a choice I could freak out to start stressing my brain spend a million miles a minute, or I could breathe and look at one thing at a time. I chose to calmly contact my bank and request a new card. Then, I thought through some of my options with my car and I chose to have one test done and wait for a few weeks until after the test is done to see if the other service would be needed. That reduced my expenses yesterday greatly.

But as I started writing this down in my journal, about facing things out of my control without acting out of control, and underlining the thought in my book an idea really hit hard. Am I trusting God, really trusting God, about this in my dating life? Do I really believe God is there and that he is out to do me good? Can I stop freaking out and stop trying to fix dating situations on my own? Am I ready to rest in the fact that God is in control? Even in control of my dating life?

I wasn't so good at that earlier this year. This past spring I met a man online. He came to visit and we fell in love. He became a big part of my world: we talked, texted, called, frequently. But then something happened at his job and he couldn't give me time and attention. Things were out of control and I felt out of control. I acted out of control. I stopped trusting God's plan and forgot whose side I'm on. I was the worst version of myself.

I made a new friend earlier this year. We immediately connected on facebook and also texted regularly.And we would see each other about once or twice a week sometimes. I have come to feel very close to this person. We aren't dating, we're just friends, but very good friends. They are very important to me. 

But things in their life have changed recently and it's affected our relationship. We haven't seen each other as much and haven't talked for awhile. Things in our relationship are out of my control. And I have a choice. I can freak out because things are out of control or I can choose to trust that God is in control and He is on my side and on my friend's side for our good. So I ask myself what good will it do to freak out? No good.

So, whose side are you on?

Good-bye, Pizza

Ugh...
No.
More.
Pizza.
*moan*

I just can't do it anymore. Well, maybe just not in the quantity I did it on Sunday. Sunday was a little ridiculous.

Remember that hike I took on Saturday? The one where I finally found the waterfall at Bells Canyon? (read about the hike here) Well, according to my fitness tracker, I had about 2000 calories that I had burned and could eat. So eat them I did. I went whole hog on Sunday afternoon and ordered a medium Hawaiian pizza - with extra veggies - AND garlic bread. And by the end of the day I had eaten the whole thing. Not in one sitting, but snacking, grazing throughout the day.

Oohhhh.... man was it good. I love garlic. And who doesn't love bread?! Or pizza!?

And then Monday came...and the pizza wasn't loving me and I wasn't loving it. I felt so bloated and horrible in other ways. I weighed myself in the morning, as I do just about daily now, and I had gained about 5 pounds just from eating that pizza and garlic bread. Five pounds!! Ew!

But I put on my shorts and tshirt and laced up my running shoes, and went for my morning run. My belly felt so jiggly and I felt so slow. I did my run, but it wasn't pretty. I wasn't pretty.

And then the gas...for some this may be TMI, but you're reading MY blog, so... All day long air kept squeaking out. (I apologize to my roommate and those at the theater around me last night.) By the time 10 pm rolled around I was ready to put my jammies on and be done with the day. It was rough. And I'd brought it all upon myself by eating the pizza and bread sticks.

I woke up today hoping that having been very good with my eating yesterday, getting in a run, and the release of the gas, that the scale would have moved back down. No such luck. I'm at the same weight today that I was yesterday.

My plan? Keep being good to myself. Exercise. Drink plenty of water. Eat well....well, except for the hot dog and chips I'll have at the baseball game tonight. :-) We can't be perfect. Back on track again, though, with a minor exception this evening. The weight'll come off. I've got a good track record - I already lost 105 pounds, so I can lose 5 more (again).

Oh, and no more pizzas after a hike. Pizza only when I know I can eat only two slices and maintain control. It's do-able and reasonable.