Good-bye, Pizza

Ugh...
No.
More.
Pizza.
*moan*

I just can't do it anymore. Well, maybe just not in the quantity I did it on Sunday. Sunday was a little ridiculous.

Remember that hike I took on Saturday? The one where I finally found the waterfall at Bells Canyon? (read about the hike here) Well, according to my fitness tracker, I had about 2000 calories that I had burned and could eat. So eat them I did. I went whole hog on Sunday afternoon and ordered a medium Hawaiian pizza - with extra veggies - AND garlic bread. And by the end of the day I had eaten the whole thing. Not in one sitting, but snacking, grazing throughout the day.

Oohhhh.... man was it good. I love garlic. And who doesn't love bread?! Or pizza!?

And then Monday came...and the pizza wasn't loving me and I wasn't loving it. I felt so bloated and horrible in other ways. I weighed myself in the morning, as I do just about daily now, and I had gained about 5 pounds just from eating that pizza and garlic bread. Five pounds!! Ew!

But I put on my shorts and tshirt and laced up my running shoes, and went for my morning run. My belly felt so jiggly and I felt so slow. I did my run, but it wasn't pretty. I wasn't pretty.

And then the gas...for some this may be TMI, but you're reading MY blog, so... All day long air kept squeaking out. (I apologize to my roommate and those at the theater around me last night.) By the time 10 pm rolled around I was ready to put my jammies on and be done with the day. It was rough. And I'd brought it all upon myself by eating the pizza and bread sticks.

I woke up today hoping that having been very good with my eating yesterday, getting in a run, and the release of the gas, that the scale would have moved back down. No such luck. I'm at the same weight today that I was yesterday.

My plan? Keep being good to myself. Exercise. Drink plenty of water. Eat well....well, except for the hot dog and chips I'll have at the baseball game tonight. :-) We can't be perfect. Back on track again, though, with a minor exception this evening. The weight'll come off. I've got a good track record - I already lost 105 pounds, so I can lose 5 more (again).

Oh, and no more pizzas after a hike. Pizza only when I know I can eat only two slices and maintain control. It's do-able and reasonable.

Uncomfortable and Unsure

Confession: All week I've felt bloated and been gassy.

I'm sorry, I know it's not lady-like and perhaps it's TMI. But it happens to all of us, right? And hey, this is my personal blog you're reading, so it's like you're reading my diary of sorts.

I've been uncomfortable in my own skin all week. My clothes feel like they fit a little differently- uncomfortably- even though the scale doesn't say I've gained weight. But this discomfort has been affecting my thoughts, mood, and emotions.

I've noticed this week that I've questioned if my guy likes me. Nothing in the way he interacts with me has changed for the worse, so where do these doubts come from? I can only conclude that it's because I'm not happy with me. (In fact, things seem a bit better between us. I've been distant because I haven't felt good and he's seemed more eager to reach out to me, which is a good thing I believe.)

Reflecting on my food choices this week, I've stayed in my calorie limits and I don't think I've eaten anything terribly bad for me. In fact, I've eaten mostly good homemade dinners, which isn't always the case. But I've eaten rushed meals or eaten later in the evening than usual. I suspect that these may be culprits in my "stomach problems".

I also think I've missed out on eating enough veggies. That, I think, could be another big problem. Tomorrow, I'm back to my big salad for lunch routine. And if I get to bed soon and sleep well, I'm getting back to my workout routine after taking the past two days off for various reasons. (I know I shouldn't workout 7 days a week because the body needs rest, but I didn't even have energy for a short, moderately paced walk today that I was hoping to get in.)

So, while I'm feeling uncomfortable in my skin and having moments of doubt about my relationship (wondering if he still actually likes me, I know I still like him), I have realized it's not a good time to make any decisions (about the relationship, or other major things). I need to take care of myself and try to get back to status quo with my food, exercise, and sleep. I need to care for my physical self which will then help care for my emotional self- starting now. It's time for bed. Hopefully a good night's sleep, a salad for lunch tomorrow, and I'll start to feel like a new woman, my old self again.

Celebrate! ...maybe...

I usually weigh myself once a week first thing in the morning. Usually on a Saturday, but depending on plans I may do it on Friday morning. Two weekends ago I weighed in on Friday morning and was down about a pound. Hooray!

This weekend I didn't plan for. I knew I would be dog-sitting and staying in someone else's house. I guess I wanted to overlook my weekly weigh in. I knew the week prior to the weigh in would be stressful and that I might not do the things I usually do to take care of myself. I put myself on the back burner, but that was a conscious choice for the short-term (see previous posts).

As of Thursday afternoon I was back to focusing on myself again.... ok, maybe not Thursday afternoon. I was still very focused on my boyfriend and his leaving for boot camp. But Thursday night I for sure was focused on me again. I got a good night's sleep by going to bed early-ish.

Friday and Saturday I worked harder to take care of myself and did ok, but wasn't ready to face the scale. Conveniently, I didn't know if there was one in the house where I was staying.

Due to some motivation by a friend I went in search of a scale to face it. I needed to know the weight no matter what.

So this morning I stepped on the scale first thing. I had to stare at the dial for a bit for the number to sink in to my brain. Partly it was disbelief. Partly it was just early morning so it was taking a little longer to register. Now granted this isn't my usual scale so it's "zero" may be different from my usual scales "zero", but according to THIS scale, I have successfully moved past my 200 pound plateau and am at 195.

195! I should celebrate! I should be ecstatic! But I'm afraid to celebrate. What if MY scale at home doesn't say that? What if next weekend I weigh myself on MY scale and it's up?

Check out those white legs! Blinding!

What do I do? Forget the numbers and focus on how I feel. I feel good in my body. I feel less bloated than earlier in the week when I was eating poorly. I feel lighter and able to move with more grace and freedom. I feel beautiful and comfortable in my clothes. (And having a beautiful new dress from my boyfriend that I feel pretty wearing helps!)

Pretty polka dot dress from my boyfriend.