Week Two Intentions

I've decided to set intentions each week that will help me have freedom, life, and abundance.

This week, I intend:
* to not do any "work" work on Sunday, but instead to read or knit or color.
* to go for at least a 20 minutes walk every day after work to clear my head, get fresh air, and get my daily steps.
* to begin each work day with yoga.
* to pack my lunch each day and eat dinner at home.
* to spend no more than one hour each night on work brought home.
* to go to the fitness center twice.
* to write in my journal at least three times.
* to meditate at least twice.
* to input spending on my budget tracker twice this week.

A Set Back

Oh dear....

Dear Mr. Trainer,
Please don't be mad and yell at me. I fell off the wagon last week. I fell hard. It's time for me to refocus. Please just help me refocus.
Sincerely,
Me

It's caught up to me. My aching shoulders, my stiff knees, and my upset stomach are all signs/symptoms of my poor eating, lack of exercise, and decrease in regular sleep at night. I need to get back on track.

If I never eat at another fast food or have another sweet (at least for the rest of this month!) I'll be ok with that. Ugh. I'm so... what's the word for when you haven't eaten well, slept well, or exercised much.... and my brain won't shut off and let me go to sleep even though I'm tired. So I thought I'd write in my blog since it's been forever.

And maybe I'll diffuse some lavender or take a melatonin to help me sleep in a bit, but first I need to get some thoughts out here and share on my blog!

I've started dating this guy (he's great!) and I've let it throw me off track. I need to keep my good health goals in mind as I continue to explore this new relationship. I need to make sure my boyfriend and my health are priorities that aren't conflicting.

....Boundaries. I need some healthy boundaries. I need to say good night to him at a reasonable hour that allows me the sleep I need to feel good. Because when I sleep well, I will eat well (or at least not "cheat" and snack on sweets between meals). And when I eat well and feel rested I will then have energy to go workout, which will then help me sleep well, and the cycle repeats itself all over again.


Dear Mr. Boyfriend,
I really like you. And I really like me. I need to be healthy to be my best with you, so I'm going to work on setting some healthy limits for myself and our relationship so that I can take care of me and be my best for you. I need your support in making it ok to take care of me by allowing me to say good night to you a little earlier that we have in the past few weeks. And I already know you're ok with this because you love and respect and care for me. I already know you want what's best for me (and it's one of the many reasons I love you). Thank you for helping me take care of myself.
Love,
Me

Sweet Victory

Had some good news and some tough news today. At first, I didn't want to turn to food for comfort and I was feeling proud of myself. But as the news sank in I felt the urge to teach for sweets for comfort start to rise. I resisted. I didn't give in. I remembered how good my body is finally starting to feel after being sick for a month, and remembered how bad my body would feel if I did indulge in the sweets. I resisted temptation to comfort with food. Now THAT'S the sweet taste of victory!

Uncomfortable and Unsure

Confession: All week I've felt bloated and been gassy.

I'm sorry, I know it's not lady-like and perhaps it's TMI. But it happens to all of us, right? And hey, this is my personal blog you're reading, so it's like you're reading my diary of sorts.

I've been uncomfortable in my own skin all week. My clothes feel like they fit a little differently- uncomfortably- even though the scale doesn't say I've gained weight. But this discomfort has been affecting my thoughts, mood, and emotions.

I've noticed this week that I've questioned if my guy likes me. Nothing in the way he interacts with me has changed for the worse, so where do these doubts come from? I can only conclude that it's because I'm not happy with me. (In fact, things seem a bit better between us. I've been distant because I haven't felt good and he's seemed more eager to reach out to me, which is a good thing I believe.)

Reflecting on my food choices this week, I've stayed in my calorie limits and I don't think I've eaten anything terribly bad for me. In fact, I've eaten mostly good homemade dinners, which isn't always the case. But I've eaten rushed meals or eaten later in the evening than usual. I suspect that these may be culprits in my "stomach problems".

I also think I've missed out on eating enough veggies. That, I think, could be another big problem. Tomorrow, I'm back to my big salad for lunch routine. And if I get to bed soon and sleep well, I'm getting back to my workout routine after taking the past two days off for various reasons. (I know I shouldn't workout 7 days a week because the body needs rest, but I didn't even have energy for a short, moderately paced walk today that I was hoping to get in.)

So, while I'm feeling uncomfortable in my skin and having moments of doubt about my relationship (wondering if he still actually likes me, I know I still like him), I have realized it's not a good time to make any decisions (about the relationship, or other major things). I need to take care of myself and try to get back to status quo with my food, exercise, and sleep. I need to care for my physical self which will then help care for my emotional self- starting now. It's time for bed. Hopefully a good night's sleep, a salad for lunch tomorrow, and I'll start to feel like a new woman, my old self again.

Happy New Year

I've had several ideas for Blog post titles and ideas going through my head the last couple days. Too bad I didn't write them down so now I don't know what  great words of wisdom I thought I had to share.

So maybe it doesn't have to be majorly inspiring (awe-inspiring or otherwise), maybe it's ok if this is just about every day life. Here goes.

It's the new year. Any resolutions? No, actually, I've only ever made one resolution in my life (and stuck to it) that I remember. But I do have some goals for this year.

1. Think before I eat.
2. Remember why I started this journey- keep in front of me my goals that I started with last year.
3. Don't let food rule my life and don't let emotions rule my eating.
4. Don't make decisions when I'm feeling out of sorts, other than to get back into sorts by getting a good night's sleep, eat good for me food, and get some physical activity into my day; in other words- take care of myself.

The last two weeks I sort of forgot some of these things. I know, it's the holidays, stress mounts, it's easy to do, but then one might question the importance of those goals in the first place if they are so easily forgotten or set aside. They don't lose their importance during the holidays, in fact I should focus on them even more carefully when I know I will be stressed, as a form of self-care and stress-prevention.

As I sit here writing, I'm over-tired and my stomach is upset with me. I didn't get enough sleep last night and I haven't eaten well today. Not very good self-care. I'm not going to beat myself up, but I am doing some self-observation to remind myself how this came to be and reminding myself of my goals and what I need to do to get back on track.

Note to Self:

What do I need? I need to get to bed soon (but I knew I needed to get some of these thoughts of my head and shared with you so that I would sleep better). I also need to rub some peppermint oil on my belly, drink my peppermint tea, and forgive myself for not eating enough fruit, veggies, and good protein today. I'm coming up with a plan for tomorrow, starting with going to bed soon tonight and heading to the fitness center at the top of my priority list for tomorrow, along with defrosting some chicken so I can cook at home tomorrow instead of eat out.

Knowing these things are making me not feel like my normal, lovely self, I'm observing how I am feeling instead. I'm feeling needy and oh so very short-tempered. I want company, but only someone who will pamper me. I'm not sure it's fair to inflict myself on anyone, so I'm not asking for company. And the poor cat keeps getting pushed off my lap and tossed out of my bedroom. (Somewhat in my defense, every time she goes in my bedroom she chews on my wall decor or the tassels on my throw pillows or knocks my fragile angels on the floor breaking their wings off, so I'm only protecting my things.) Oh, and the darned cat keeps stopping right in front of my feet when I'm walking; and since she's dark gray and small and our apartment is poorly lit she's almost gotten stepped on on a few occasions. And I'm having very little patience with her.

And men. Should I even go there? I just don't understand them. Most of the time I don't think I ever will. Ok, so taking my own advice, I'm going to not make any decisions or assumptions about what this particular one is thinking or feeling. I'm going to go put my pajamas on, turn off my phone, and crawl into bed for a good night's sleep. Maybe my relationship with him (and food!) will look differently (better!) in the morning after a long night's sleep.

How Urban Hiker Girl Came to be

BEFORE PICTURE: at church in 2012

I started walking a lot when I was dog-sitting for several weeks in December. I realized I liked walking the dogs; it was a good excuse to get out of the house- even in the rainy, cold weather.

In December I also realized that I didn't like the way I looked on the outside. It didn't match how I felt on the inside and I needed to do something to change that. I started putting together a plan for the new me. I would change my activity (also known as the dreaded "e" word: exercise, I also call it fitness), food (also known as "diet"), my flexibility, and my strength.

There were things I wanted to be able to do again or try doing:

• jogging (granted, I hate running, and after several months of improved fitness, I still don't like it, but I wanted to be able to do it without feeling like a slug)
• climbing a rockwall
• chasing my niece and nephew around the park
• volleyball and basketball (the two sports I love to coach)

And I was sure there would be other things I would discover that I like to do.

I put started putting together a rough plan to get into better shape. Not to get back to a certain size, but to FEEL the way I felt when I was a size 8. I felt vibrant and full of life. I felt like I could do anything. I felt sexy, desirable, beautiful. I felt confident and comfortable in my own skin.

BEFORE PICTURE: at a family wedding in July 2012

I created a timeline for one year of several areas I could change and mileposts I hoped to reach. My goal for the year wasn't my end milepost but a part-way goal. Some things I included:

1. January: 10 minutes of cardio 5 times a week, stretching 2-3 times a week
2. February: strength- 12 reps with 1lbs dumbbells
3. June: try new veggies and new ways of preparing veggies
4. October: try new soup and stew recipes

I also included my weigh loss goal for each month. I thought 5 pounds a month sounded reasonable and I hoped to be under 200 pounds by the end of the year. (I started at about 265.) My end goal is to get down to about 175; I'll need to reaffirm that with my doctor, but I recall being happy and healthy at that weight.

I knew I would have to make some changes to my lifestyle. No more sitting around all evening knitting and watching MI-5 or Doc Martin. I also knew that I would have to find activities that I could do that fit within my budget. Since my "gym" budget was $0 I had few options: 1- walking, 2- jogging (quickly nixed because I hate running and knew it would be too hard on my knees at my current weight), 3- rent exercise videos from the library. I had good walking shoes and don't mind walking at all so I chose door number 1 as my physical activity (a.k.a. exercise or fitness).

BEFORE PICTURE: at a family wedding in October 2014

Other changes included cutting out sweets and carbs. Not just because they are "bad" for you (calorie-wise and nutritionally), but because I've noticed that my body doesn't like them; my joints get sore, my shoulders and neck get tense, I get headaches, and I get moody. I also cut out carbs for similar reasons; I eat less bread and pasta. I sometimes miss those things, but if I have a little then those side effects come back and I remember why I gave them up in the first place. I realized that I CAN eat a salad or soup without having a roll- it's amazing! And not eating those things allows me to fill up on other foods. I discovered that I love eating veggies and fruit! (And as an added bonus, I get to eat more of them because they have fewer calories!)

DURING PICTURE: Urban Hiker Girl on a walk
in Ballard, April 2014

Here we are near the end of April and I'm down about 35 pounds. Granted, the first two months I lost 10 pounds each month; January I was suffering from insomnia and anxiety which made it hard to eat (I had no appetite due to the stress- I don't recommend it as a weight loss plan). February I was so into my new routine and in the excitement about my great progress that I kept working hard. Things have slowed down since and I've lost 5-7 pounds a month the last two months, but it's moving in the right directions. My new goal is to be at the 200 pound mark by the end of June (my birthday month- I'll be 35!).

Each month I reevaluate my goals for the next month. Sometimes I meet a goal early (like the weight loss goal), and sometimes I need to give myself a little grace because life is crazy and I may need more time to meet my fitness goal. For example, I had thought about running a 5k this summer. I don't think that will happen; not because I don't have the stamina, but because I'm older now than when I used to be able to run and I've been carrying a lot of extra weight for a while so my knees aren't up for it. I'm keeping the "run a 5k" goal in the back of my mind, I haven't completely given up on it, but I am listening to my body to see if and when it might be ready to tackle that.

DURING PICTURE: Urban Hiker Girl goes rural
at the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival, April 2014

I can walk a 5k, though, for sure, and even a 10k. I have created several routes for myself that range from 2-7 miles around my neighborhood. When I first started all this walking back in January, I would post my trips on Facebook for my friends to see. That's when I started calling myself "Urban Hiker Girl." I used a stopwatch app on my phone and Google maps to track my route, but over the months I've tried a few phone apps that will do both. I'm now using one that links to the online app where I also log my food. It's been a great time saver and more accurate, I hope, than my stopwatch and map.

So, that's the story of how "Urban Hiker Girl" came to be. Thanks, Rochelle, for the idea to start a blog about my adventures. Keep reading and share my blog with your friends! Let's encourage one another on our journeys!