Week Two Intentions

I've decided to set intentions each week that will help me have freedom, life, and abundance.

This week, I intend:
* to not do any "work" work on Sunday, but instead to read or knit or color.
* to go for at least a 20 minutes walk every day after work to clear my head, get fresh air, and get my daily steps.
* to begin each work day with yoga.
* to pack my lunch each day and eat dinner at home.
* to spend no more than one hour each night on work brought home.
* to go to the fitness center twice.
* to write in my journal at least three times.
* to meditate at least twice.
* to input spending on my budget tracker twice this week.

2019 Prayer

As I sit and plan how to live out my three words of 2019 in January, a prayer formed that I just cried out to God  I share it with you in hope that it speaks to you, someone else who might be feeling alone. You are not alone in your circumstance. I am here. I will walk with you. And God hears and see you, too. He cares for you. And because He does, I do too.

Dear God, Abba Father, Daddy
Help me enter 2019 with a joyful heart, full of gratitude. Give me wisdom, discernment, and patience about the future.
Help me think positively and to plan for the future with your guidance. Give me peace about what the future holds, hope that I can achieve these things, and determination and self-discipline to follow through on these tasks. I'm scared. I feel afraid and overwhelmed by everything going on. Help me focus on You, and one day, one moment at a time.
As I work towards a healthier body again, help me do it with love and gratitude for myself and all that I've been through, rather than punishment for the neglect I've shown my body in recent months. Let me recall the strength I had in the past and use that to motivate me in the future, one day at a time. I cannot do this alone, but You are with me. When trouble causes me to fear and to doubt myself and the strength You have given me, remind me of what I am You: strong, beautiful, beloved child who is loved, beautiful, redeemed, perfect no matter what.
When others criticize me or don't support what I do, help me to not take it to heart, but also help me to look at it as an opportunity to reflect, evaluate, and grow.
When I face obstacles at work, help me to keep my eyes fixed on You and You alone. Let my words and actions honor You. Show me the purpose You have for me here. Show me how to best use my gifts, my time, and all that I am in service to You.
Help me stay present with myself. Help me respond not react. Help me grow through all of this.
Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.
Amen. Amen. It shall be so!

Resolution

I have definitely overdone it today. I have had way too much sugar. Not just today but the last several weeks. But I can tell today I've had too much sugar. Without even tracking it, I know. I can feel it in my body. I feel sluggish and happy. I am going to track it. I did track it. And as I wrote it all down I have a lot of regret. And as I feel the effects of it in my body I have a lot of regrets.

Did you overdo anything today? Or this holiday season?

We have the choice to start again. To try again tomorrow. Each day is a fresh start. No need to wait for the new year or the new week to start. Choose the next hour even to start making better choices.

I had a lot of regret after our birthday cake and ice cream dinner. I tried to compensate by eating veggies and some protein afterwards. I wasn't hungry. I ate any way to be social. I am just really off my game. I've got some mental stress staying with me from work and it's throwing me off my game of making good choices with my food.

I'm going to go do some private journaling this evening to try to clear my mind of the work stress. I need to come up with a game plan for handling the work stress, so that I can get back to healthier habits. The work stuff is taking up too much energy and I'm tired of it. I need to use my energy on things that fulfill me and bring me joy. Stress does not bring me joy. Anxiety does not bring me joy. The solution to this is to take some time for reflection and develop a plan.

So my resolution, starting right now not in 2019, but right now this minute as to come up with a plan for dealing with the stress at work and focus my energy on that plan and taking better care of myself. What's your resolution? Your plan for making tonight better than today? Tomorrow better than the day before? Don't wait for 2019. Start now. We got this!

Fourth Anniversary

And so began my new journey back in 2013. And it continues today. Some might think the hard part is over since I took off 100 pounds and am now at a healthy weight, but every day is a chance to choose: do I continue on this new path, new way of living, or do I revert to old habits, long ingrained in me?
Maybe when this new me has been around as long as, or longer than, the old me the wiring will be more permanent and it will be easier.
For today, there are still struggles. I still struggle with not overeating when there are sweets around, especially at family gatherings. I forget that sugar is my Kryptonite. I can't stop at just one. I keep going until I feel awful.
I still struggle with the old mindset that I have to enjoy "it" now because "it" might not be here later (someone else will eat the last ___ that I want/is my piece).
I struggle with putting my yoga or weight lifting time as a priority in my day (taking care of me time). I know I'll feel better when I do.
I still struggle to love my body completely, imperfections and all. I've worked hard to become not just leaner, but stronger; however, there are still jiggly bits. While I may have to accept that these are repercussions of having been (almost morbidly) obese for so long that my skin over stretched and I've lost the skin elasticity of a younger person, I'm not going to stop trying to become the best version of myself that I can.
It's not just a New Year's resolution, but an every day resolution: love myself just as I am. And, do the best that I can to care for me, making myself a priority in my life.