My First 5k

Picked up my packet!

I am a runner!

I started running 8 weeks ago and on Saturday, July 11th I did my first ever race, the Bubble Run 5k. Earlier this summer as I was starting my Couch to 5k training, I started looking up 5ks that I could do with friends. My friend Karey and I decided to sign up for the Bubble Run together - with her two little boys.

Eight weeks ago, I never would have thought I could run 5k (about 3 miles). But I've had several friends use the Couch to 5k app so I thought I'd give it a try. I was ready to try something harder in my workout routine, so I downloaded the app and started.

Ready to run!

I plugged in my headphones and hopped on the treadmill those first few weeks, letting the belt's momentum propel me along. Physically it was fine going, the harder part was the mental battle I had to push past. I've always declared myself to not be a runner, but here I was becoming a runner.

In early June I had a big opportunity - I could take a week off from training or I could take my running to the streets while I was on family vacation in Denver. I decided I had to at least try running on the streets. I surprised myself by not only doing it, but doing it well. It wasn't as hard as I had thought it would be.

Every run started with a mental battle. Did I want to get out of bed early in the morning on my summer vacation? Did I want to run after doing/eating .... the night/day before? Would I be able to run that far? Would I survive the heat? Every time I got out of bed and put on my running clothes, popped on my headphones, and headed out the door. Every time I did I ended up amazed at what my body could do.

I started following running groups on Facebook and reading articles online about running. I bought a "Running for Beginners" book that was chock full of advice and tips. I even found running as a connection between me and some guys at my online dating websites.

Start line selfie!

Last week, as the first race drew closer, I got more and more excited. It was motivation to get out of bed for those early morning runs which were still increasing in time on the training app. And on Friday when I picked up my race packet, it felt so right and so real that I should be doing this. I'm ready!

As we drove to the race on Saturday morning, I was pumped, only a few nerves about what my strategy would be - run with my friend or go at my own pace. After doing our usual 5 minute warm-up walk, as taught by the Couch to 5k app, my friend and I decided to run. I got swept up in the crowd and she got caught keeping an eye on her boys running with her. Decision made.

And so I went. Knowing that I didn't have my music to help me keep a steady pace, I knew I would have to reign myself in so that I didn't start too fast and then die at the end. I forced myself to go what felt slow at the beginning. Well, and the large crowds forced me to go slow, too.

At the start line with my inspiration.

About a mile in to the run there was a major bottleneck as the large crowd had to cross a small bridge. A few people were continuing down the path. I didn't know the course at all, but hoped they knew another way across the river that wasn't going to add too much time/distance. I followed the few and bypassed the bottleneck, only adding about a quarter-mile to my run but saving a lot of wait time.

Bubble feet
from the bubble bogs!

I just kept pressing on, trying to run past the walkers who were taking over the whole trail despite many announcements to run left, walk right. I had to zig-zag a lot, but I kept moving. I allowed myself breaks at the bubble bogs to enjoy the bubbles- after all, they were the reason for the run! I didn't play and get as colorful as some people, but my shirt did have quite a few colors by the end and my ankles were tie-dyed looking when I took my shoes off later.

post-race... not quite as
dirty as the kids

Just keep going. I kept putting one foot in front of the other. What a difference running with a crowd in a party-atmosphere made to my run. It seemed to fly by; before I knew it was I was approaching the last bubble bog and headed towards the finish line, passing near the start line where the course snaked back around.

Good clean fun!

Crossing the finish line was a challenge as so many other first time 5k'ers were stopped to take picture of their accomplishments. I was able to run across the line and then stopped to grab a few water cups at the station right across the line. I found an open grass spot and stretched. Many people were going right to the post-race bubble bogs to party and get more bubbly, but even in a fun run I knew I'd need to stretch.

I kept my eyes peeled for my friend and her boys. When I saw them (after a hunt for one of the boys who got separated after crossing the finish line) we went to play in the bubble bog together and enjoy our post-race glow. It was a great morning!

And if that wasn't enough exercise for me that day, I accepted a last-minute invitation to go hiking that afternoon at Lake Blanche....

Visions and Dreams

I spent all last week waiting to hear from him. I released my white-knuckle grasp and gave things over to God. It wasn't easy, I kept trying to take it back, but I at least loosened my grasp.

On Monday, I had visions of him coming back to me with my arms wide open and tears spilling down my cheeks. After a email message from my grandma, who had previously encouraged me to give him space, I sent him a tender loving message as she was now advising. I apologized for being needy and clingy earlier last week and for adding to his stress burden. He apologized for pushing me away and said work and stress compounded by my anxiety had caused him to freak out. And just as I had envisioned, I had tears streaming down my face. I felt tears of joy that we had come back together.

He is back in my arms (figuratively).... sort of. He's still at a distance. Still working on saving his business and dealing with client issues.

Monday night, I had a dream of myself holding a very fragile bubble. I have been given a gift of him communicating with me again on Monday and assuring me of his love. Now, how do I proceed with this relationship? I feel afraid that it is in a fragile state right now. How do I proceed with my life, with loving him and supporting him when things feel fragile right now?

On Monday night, this is how I imagined my relationship status - I am holding a fragile bubble. See Rule #1.

I know, in my head, that things aren't always going to be happy. We aren't always going to feel the euphoric high and intense feelings we felt the first weeks after meeting. (Today, I read a great article shared by eHarmony, the dating website where we met, that was all about happiness in relationships. It had some great thoughts on this topic of happiness in relationships. Read it here.) So, I ask myself and some godly women I know: how do I love and support him when I am feeling a distance between us? When the happy high is gone and we are in the midst of real-life tough stuff - how do I love him and support him?

I want to ask him these things, and I will ask him. But how do I ask him, when it's hard to get a response?

“Communication to a relationship is like Oxygen to life. Without it … it dies.”  

– Tony Gaskins

(From the great eHarmony series of articles on relationships. Read it here.) I fear that without a visit soon, without physical contact, that this distance will continue to grow between us. I'm a fan of the "Five Love Languages" stuff by Gary Chapman (learn more here). My strongest love languages are physical touch and quality time. A long-distance relationship makes doing both of those hard. So how do we keep love alive when my strongest love languages are hardest to do? Gary Chapman has some ideas, but how do I use those, when the expressions of love should come from him to me, not from me to me?

"I am frequently asked how to apply the 5 love languages in long-distance relationships. Physical touch and quality time are particularly challenging in these instances. The simple answer is this: you must be creative and committed to staying connected despite the distance." (Read more here.)

I don't have the answers... yet. I'm going to keep praying on these things and seeking godly counsel to see what I can learn about myself, relationships, and this relationship.

Update: Last night, I had another vision as I slept. My prayer to God,  before falling into an exhausted but peaceful sleep, was that He would show me what I need to do.

Bubbles aren't meant to be held, they are made to float and fly. I love him and value our relationship too much to hold on, I need to let it be free. I need to give him space to soar. And I need to give myself the freedom to love freely and live my life without fear.