Note to Self

This song causes me to stop and think. Usually the first thing I think of is dancing; I like the strong beat and it makes me want to move. The second thing I thought of today is: what would I say?

I really agree with the part of the song about how the choices I've made are what has made me who I am today. I've pretty much always agreed with that statement. Would I want to change who I am? Of course there's some areas of life where I'd like to smooth things out so that the lessons aren't so painful, but as any teacher or parent will tell you, sometimes kids have to learn the hard way. The struggle makes us stronger if we persevere through it so I wouldn't want to take away the lessons that have shaped who I am today. There are some lesson, though, which I wish I wouldn't keep repeating, that I would learn sooner. Or lessons that I wish I had learned younger.

I was just telling a friend the other day that I wish I had done more dating when I was younger. I wasn't interested in dating until my recent adult years and there are some painful lessons I wish I would have learned at a younger age. I believe it might make it easier for me to "bounce back" as an adult, if I'd learned some of this at a younger age. But maybe that's just my personality that will always feel things deeply; since we can't go back and change the past I'll never know.

Even now there's some things I wish I could go back a few months or even a year to tell myself. But would changing or knowing that one little things affect other areas around it? Would it alter other events? I don't know. But I can give my future self some words of wisdom....

Dear Future Me:
- Don't beat myself up.
- Extend compassion and forgiveness to myself and others.
- If a man doesn't want the whole package then it's ok to move on.
- I am amazing (even if I'm the only one who sees it sometimes).
- Listen to my body and my intuition.
- Feel my feelings, but don't get stuck in them.
- Trust God. Talk to Him regularly and read His Word.

Hearing the Music Again

About mile 2.75

A walk is a great way to clear my mind. And since it's the last week of school with a jillion things going on, a dating relationship to ponder, and plans for vacation coming up, my mind needed clearing.

Going in, I thought this wouldn't be a great walk, but at least it would be a walk. I had sugary treats yesterday. I had another sugary treat today -despite telling myself I wouldn't. My body was feeling sluggish and achy, but I couldn't resist the lovely weather of this evening, so I threw on my workout gear - hitting the fitness center for a quick upper body and core workout- then hit the pavement for a longish, slowish walk in the evening sunshine.

The weather was lovely, but my mood not so much. I knew I was dawdling, but I told myself that was ok because at least I was moving. At least I was outside enjoying the lovely spring weather.

About mile 3.5

As often happens on my walk, I turn on some of my favorite music and just go. And also as often happens, my mind wanders, sometimes hearing the music and sometimes thinking about life. And sometimes thinking about how much I don't want to be walking because I don't feel like it.

Around mile 2.75, of 4.5, I finally got past the I don't feel like it feeling. Around mile 3.5 my mind began to wander. And around mile 4.25 I actually heard the music and started singing along. I finally felt like I was into my walk and it was less work and more enjoyment.

About mile 4.25

As I enjoyed it more, I thought about important life stuff, such as how grateful I was to myself for finally letting go of fear and stopping holding on so tightly. And I thought about how the initial infatuation has passed, but I still want to love him (not just the feeling, but the action). And I missed him. I almost cried a little; tears of some sadness, not tears of fear and despair that I had been experiencing. But I didn't cry; I breathed in and I breathed out and I let the feeling come and go. And as I let it go again, I finally heard the music, the music that brings my heart joy, the music that makes me want to sing, the music that makes me want to dance.

As I stood at the stoplight waiting for my turn to cross I started singing loud and dancing a little. First, "Evidence" by Citizen Way. Then, "Shake" by Mercy Me which kept me dancing through my stress last summer. Then a few others. And then this song came on at the end of my walk this evening. (I saw them in concert with Heather a couple months ago and they were AWESOME!) This was a great way to wrap up my evening.

SHAKE things up and get HAPPY

Last week I discovered how important it is to take a dance break while at work. I work alone. No one ever stops by my office (ok, except maybe Josh and one of the Preschool ladies from downstairs and they aren't "no one" but it's rare). Without visitors, I tend to sit all day at the computer, which gets monotonous, boring, and frankly not very good for me, hence the need for dance breaks.

While they aren't true salsa music, I still practice some of my salsa steps as well as throw in other moves and just keep moving the whole song. It makes me feel good.

Today I'm in a funk. I'm tired from a few too many days of not enough sleep PLUS being busy and active and on some days STRESSED (four interviews in three days does have that effect). I didn't realize how much I NEEDED my fun, upbeat music until I put it on. Fake it 'til you make it, right? TRUE! I forced myself to put on a smile, get out of my chair, turn up the music and dance. Guess what!? I actually started to feel a little happier. I'm going to take another dance break right now! Pick a song and join me! Happy Shaking to you!