When Is Enough?

I decided to turn my love of Young Living essential oils into a business. When I did, I knew I needed to learn about how to start a small business. I love what the oils are doing to support my pursuit of a healthy lifestyle and I want to share that with others.

My friend who got me started in oils gave me a book for my birthday to help me get started business building. And I devoured it! And then I came across another book with business building tips specifically directed at building an online small home business. Both books have said that if you want to get your business going well and fast, you have to invest a lot of time and make sacrifices. I'm willing to sacrifice some time each night and on the weekends to pour into my company.

...But I started back to school three weeks ago. And this was the first week of school. It's Friday, and I'm exhausted. EXHAUSTED! I left my desk a mess this afternoon, and I'm feeling stressed and anxious about that. I'm not 100% ready for work next week, but after 10 hour days almost every day this past week, and the fact that I instigated drinks after work with all the other teachers, I had to leave at 4 pm. And the fact that I'm running out of steam. I left for drinks and it was lovely to hang out with the girls from work (our lone male was unable to join us and he was missed)!

Oh, but I'm still tired. So tired. Can't decide if I'm coming or going. Can't decide if I want to stay in and go to bed early, or if I want to go dancing for a bit to relieve some stress.

I'm taking two weekends off. I just can't keep going. I spent 12 days in a row at school, after a busy summer of working lots of odd hours, including weekends. I've hardly had any time to mentally escape, let alone physically escape, so this weekend I'm taking time off from work both at school work and my business. And next weekend I'm getting out of town and taking some much needed time with family, and again escaping from school and business work again.

I have goals and drive to reach my goals. But I'm out of steam and need to recharge. I want to chase my dreams and use my small business to help me get there. But I also know the value of listening to my body. I can't keep going or things won't get done well. My body says rest, so it's time to rest. I love you. I love my oils.

Time for a little Stress Away, Peace & Calming, and Release to work their "magic" on me. And then I'll come back ready to tackle it again!

...but for now, REST!

Hearing the Music Again

About mile 2.75

A walk is a great way to clear my mind. And since it's the last week of school with a jillion things going on, a dating relationship to ponder, and plans for vacation coming up, my mind needed clearing.

Going in, I thought this wouldn't be a great walk, but at least it would be a walk. I had sugary treats yesterday. I had another sugary treat today -despite telling myself I wouldn't. My body was feeling sluggish and achy, but I couldn't resist the lovely weather of this evening, so I threw on my workout gear - hitting the fitness center for a quick upper body and core workout- then hit the pavement for a longish, slowish walk in the evening sunshine.

The weather was lovely, but my mood not so much. I knew I was dawdling, but I told myself that was ok because at least I was moving. At least I was outside enjoying the lovely spring weather.

About mile 3.5

As often happens on my walk, I turn on some of my favorite music and just go. And also as often happens, my mind wanders, sometimes hearing the music and sometimes thinking about life. And sometimes thinking about how much I don't want to be walking because I don't feel like it.

Around mile 2.75, of 4.5, I finally got past the I don't feel like it feeling. Around mile 3.5 my mind began to wander. And around mile 4.25 I actually heard the music and started singing along. I finally felt like I was into my walk and it was less work and more enjoyment.

About mile 4.25

As I enjoyed it more, I thought about important life stuff, such as how grateful I was to myself for finally letting go of fear and stopping holding on so tightly. And I thought about how the initial infatuation has passed, but I still want to love him (not just the feeling, but the action). And I missed him. I almost cried a little; tears of some sadness, not tears of fear and despair that I had been experiencing. But I didn't cry; I breathed in and I breathed out and I let the feeling come and go. And as I let it go again, I finally heard the music, the music that brings my heart joy, the music that makes me want to sing, the music that makes me want to dance.

As I stood at the stoplight waiting for my turn to cross I started singing loud and dancing a little. First, "Evidence" by Citizen Way. Then, "Shake" by Mercy Me which kept me dancing through my stress last summer. Then a few others. And then this song came on at the end of my walk this evening. (I saw them in concert with Heather a couple months ago and they were AWESOME!) This was a great way to wrap up my evening.

Life Space

"Give him space," they said. 

"If he loves you, he'll come back," they said. 

Scrolled across these words today... perfect timing!

I know THEY all meant well, but I was too afraid to let go. I was too afraid that he wouldn't come back. I was afraid of giving up something I really wanted: a loving relationship with a Christian man. I was desperate to keep it.

What I needed to hear, and what I finally told myself this weekend, was to give MYSELF space. To live my life and give myself space to be me. I had spent so much time and energy trying to keep him that I lost myself, made myself crazy, and I'm pretty sure made him crazy and question our relationship.

The devotion that this quote is from
helped start my day right.
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Many times I feared that I'd lost him. And some of the time I would get a quick message from him saying he loves me, but those weren't often and I found myself starving for, living for those words, anxiously awaiting any contact from him. I was driving myself nuts, and the people around me.

This weekend I gave myself permission to let go, keep going, and be present - not living for when he and I will be together again. I'm not saying I'm done with the relationship, but I am giving myself space to be present in my life. To be here for myself, for my students, and for my family. And when I gave myself that permission a huge weight lifted. I feel so much less stress, so much less tension and pain in my body, and thankfully so much less emotional.

I don't know if giving him space and myself space will make him come back, but there is great freedom in letting go of trying to control everything. I can only control myself and that is a huge blessing.

Words I needed to hear today.