Parent-Teacher Conferences

Last night on the way home, exhausted from a long day of teaching followed by Parent-Teacher conferences until 8:30 pm, I had a revelation: Parent-Teacher Conferences weren't scary anymore.

My first several years of teaching I always dreaded Parent-Teacher conferences. I was afraid that parents would question what I was doing and that I wouldn't be able to defend myself. I worried that I wouldn't have the answers to their questions so they would think I wasn't a good teacher. I was afraid to tell them about struggles their child was having and that they wouldn't support me, or they wouldn't agree, or they wouldn't....something. I was afraid I wasn't a good enough teacher and that they would see through my wonderful, happy teacher facade I put on.

Well, for those who have been following the blog, you know my confidence level has changed. For old and new alike, let me tell you - it was not easy to change! It took years of rewiring my brain to see myself as good enough just as I am. It took a lot of hard work to learn to be me - they can take it or leave it, but here's who I am and I like me.

I now believe in myself. I know I am a good teacher. I love my kids - first and foremost - and they know that and they love me, too. Second to that, I get to teach them about Jesus every day by my actions and my words.

I get to know my kids and how they learn best so that I can be effective in my teaching. I adapt to their needs.

I keep my room neat and organized.

I have high expectations and they rise to meet them.

I shower them with love, affection, and affirmation.

I believe in myself. I could go on about the qualities that make me a good teacher, but I don't need to. I know who I am and what I am. I am comfortable being me, and the confidence I exude shows. Parents support me. And, because I love their kids, they like me.

So, Parent-Teacher Conferences aren't so scary anymore.

I See Me

I realized something today during yoga class. I'm beautiful. I'm beautiful and my body can move in amazing ways. Ok, so I can't do all the yoga poses with total ease and comfort and fluidity, but still, my body is beautiful and amazing. And I don't mean it in a conceited way. It's just a self-realization.

Yes, I know I'm beautiful when I get dressed up to go salsa dancing or have a night out with my girl friends, but I didn't realize how beautiful it is when dressed in workout gear, no make-up on, doing things that are challenging. But as I looked up from various poses to see if I was correctly mimicking the instructor, I saw my own reflection in the mirror of the darkened classroom. And I saw something beautiful.

I saw a long, lean shape. I saw thin places and curvy places. I saw muscle definition. I saw strength and areas that need support. I really saw me. And it's nice to finally see myself for all the things that I am. I'm amazing and wonderful. I'm special and unique.

In light of all my wonder over my freshly discovered beauty, I realized I deserve some things. I deserve to date a man who will honor and cherish this beauty, not just lust after it. I deserve to be with someone who will see all the beauty that I see and more.

From myself, I deserve continued acceptance and forgiveness. I deserve to honor and cherish my own body by exercising, eating well, and getting enough sleep to nourish it inside and out. I am a beautiful creation of the Creator and I deserve special care and attention. I deserve to nourish my spirit through time with my Creator and His Word.

Wow. I really am beautiful and strong. It's not just something I say hoping to believe it. Today I believe because I have seen.

Amazing Myself

Some of you might hate me for saying this, but I accidentally lost 4 pounds last week. I wasn't trying to lose weight last week, I was just trying to get back to the healthy eating habits I'd somewhat abandoned in February. I also amped up my workout routine. Last weekend I weighed in at 166, this weekend I weighed in at 162. I was shocked.

I'm a rebel and a rule-breaker!

I knew things were different because on Thursday I was able to button a corduroy jacket that hasn't fit in ages. I'd been wearing it anyway, just not buttoning it. But when I felt a slight chill and pulled it tighter across my chest, I was surprised that I didn't have to tug to get the two sides together. They easily came together across my chest and stomach.

Friday night, getting dressed to go dancing, my tummy pooch didn't seem quite as noticeable. My Spanx weren't having to work as hard to keep me slim.

And this weekend, I woke up feeling comfortable in my own body. I've been amazed at how it's been working the last week. From dancing, to exercising- including running 3 miles on the treadmill, to every day in the classroom my body has been going hard. And it's been keeping up.

I know I've said it before, but it doesn't hurt to say it again, I'm grateful to my body. I've put it through a bit of abuse with the extra weight, lack of exercise, and poor eating habits over past years and yet it's kept on going. Now, I'm paying more attention to it, not in a vain way, but in a way of being present with myself and noticing how I feel - paying attention to my body's signals. I'm practicing mindfulness.

I noticed my body was extra tired so I gave myself permission to turn off the alarm clock and wake up when my body was ready. And yes, that meant that I missed church today, which I am sad of, but didn't Jesus also take time off to take care of His physical need for rest? While it's not a habit I endorse, I'm spending time in personal meditation and reflection, and thanking God for what He's given me and and done for me. I whole-heartedly believe that fellowship with other believers is important, but so is listening to your body - the body God cretaed - and giving it what it needs. Today it needs rest, so that's what I'm giving it.

Sometimes I get so busy that I forget to appreciate my body and honor all that it's done for me. A new friend reminded me of how wonderful my body is when last weekend he told me "You're hot." I scoffed at first because of his word choice, having just read a blog post by another blogger who is a professional writer (Single Dad Laughing). He'd told a woman on a date "you're hot" and she also scoffed, not because she didn't believe him (as I didn't believe my friend), but because he's a writer and couldn't come up with better words. (Read blog post here.)

The next day I tried to explain to my friend via text why I had scoffed at his comment by sharing the blog link with him. He read it and wrote back that he liked the arrangement of my atoms. Hah! Well, since I was still waiting for the upswing of getting back into the habit of eating better and exercising more, I didn't truly believe him. I thought I was pretty enough, but not hot.

Now, a week later, I believe him. My atoms are arranged in a pretty awesome way, so thanks, my friend, for that reminder. I'll try to remember that on my own more often. My body is amazing, not just for how it looks, but for all it does.

The Mirror That Changed My Perspective

I went shopping this afternoon for new blue jeans. I only have two pairs and wanted a third. Fortunately, Old Navy is having a sale on jeans right now and I like the way theirs fit me so I headed over to try on jeans this afternoon.

I grabbed some 10's off the shelf, and just for the heck of it I grabbed some 8's, too, you know, just in case. The 10's fit, not too snugly, as I knew they would. With a small hope, I decided to go for the 8's. I put one foot in and then the other, afraid to breathe as I pulled them up. I was delighted to discover that they buttoned and zipped easily. Yes, easily!

But could I sit? And how did they make my butt look? And would my tummy look poochy in them?

Yes, good, and no. I could sit, my butt looked good, and no, my tummy didn't look poochy.

Ok, maybe a little poochy. I tried looking at myself in the dressing room mirror. I was skeptical. So I tried the three-way mirror in the hallway of the dressing rooms. Was that really me? Did I really look like that?

Ok, so I had also tried on a sweater, because why not. And what I saw in the dressing room as major back fat and muffin top, didn't look so bad in the better-lit three-way mirror. In fact, I looked pretty cute. Was that really me? I couldn't help but stare at myself.

Thankfully there was no one around, so I continued to examine myself from all the angles standing in the mirror. There also happened to be bench nearby so I checked out my seated view. My belly, which I still saw as enormously fat, was not so bad. Actually, it was pretty small. There is a slight roll, but my waist is so tiny now that the little roll really is a little roll. Is this really me?

Yes, it really is me and I look fabulous. I'm still having a hard time accepting that this body is mine and that it looks so good. I don't need others to tell me; I need me to see it, believe it, and reaffirm it for myself.

I look good.

I look good!

I Look Good!!!