Under the Sea

A few days before my MRI I saw this image on facebook:

Image from AICenters

Too bad it's a children's MRI machine, not an adult-sized MRI machine. MY MRI machine was not as cute or fun, but my MRI tech (if that's what you call it) was friendly and warm which helped.

My friend Matty met me at the hospital beforehand and sat with me while I filled out paperwork. He chatted with me and kept me distracted before going in.

They called me back and I expected to see him about 45 minutes later when the procedure was finished, but knew that there was a chance that if it ran long he might have to leave for an appointment he had.

After stashing my purse and metal objects in a locker, I had to sit and wait a minute while they finished prepping the room. ...and of course my mind started to wander and a few tears came to my eyes, but didn't fall. I determined to not worry by talking to God and giving Him all my cares. I started praying and pretty much didn't stop until after the procedure. I sat up straight, took a deep breath, and talked to God.

The MRI tech came and got me. I entered the room, set my locker key on the table, slipped off my sandals, and climbed on the table. She prepped me for the IV, strapped me to the table, tucked a blanket around me, and away we went.

I closed my eyes, and started singing Christian songs in my head (since I couldn't sing them out loud because I wasn't supposed to move). I started with Psalm 23, then went to Psalm 3, and then some children's songs that I would sing at chapel with the students at school and a few hymns. And then my mind kept going to the song "Diamonds" by Hawk Nelson that I started my day with. I think I sung myself to sleep, because other than occasionally hearing her (the tech) say "this next one's going to be about 5 minutes"... then next thing I knew she was bringing me out to put in the contrast IV, sending me back in for a few more "5 minute" scans, and then out for the final time.

I retrieved my things from the locker and discovered that it was 4:20! Over an hour had passed and it really only felt like 30 minutes. My way home I kept hearing the song "Diamonds" in my mind on the way home. I couldn't focus on the radio (so I turned it off) because that song was so loud in my mind.

Thank you Jesus for sending your Spirit to bring me peace. And thank you, friends, for your prayers, warm thoughts, positive vibes, and warm wishes.

Next step is to wait for my doctor to return from his vacation and let me know what the MRI shows so we can talk about the following steps. Continued prayers, warm thoughts, positive vibes, and warm wishes are appreciated.

Peace

Good words to start the day.

These were the words that started the day with my students during our morning devotions. They were exactly the words I needed to be reminded of today. 

The devil had been getting in and taking away my hope. I'd been feeling despair over not hearing from him on the phone for several days. I had cried myself to sleep for two nights in a row and woken up in the morning crying still. I was not at peace. 

Friends and coworkers meant well but spoke in platitudes. I had lost hope and was sinking in self-pity, despair, sadness, and self-absorption. I had taken my eyes off of God and the hope and peace.

On Tuesday I had spoken with my pastor about meeting with him after work on Wednesday to talk about a different situation, but because I was so overwhelmed yesterday by these feelings of sadness that we spent most of our time talking about this. He listened patiently. And when I had finished crying and talking, he spoke softly and calmly. He helped me find hope in the situation. He helped me stop focusing on myself and my feelings and focus on my relationship and my boyfriend. His words gave me encouragement and I left determined to be more supportive and loving of him and less needy. 

Wow. The last time my guy and I had prayed together, I had asked God to help me love him more unconditionally, just as he was loving me. I guess the answer to that prayer was an opportunity to practice that. 

 My last words to him yesterday were an apology for being selfish and consumed by my feelings and a promise that I would attempt to be more supportive of him and that I trusted he would contact me when he was able. I still haven't heard from him. But the last words he texted to me were to reassure me of how much he loved me. That is enough for now. And it is enough to know that God is in control, watching over us, and will give us HIS peace.

I have a sweet song based on this verse
that I once sang for my church going through my head.
This is a great earworm today.