Thursday, January 19, 2017

Unfinished Prayer

Give him a fighting spirit, Lord. A spirit of strength. The knowledge that he can get through this and that he can overcome these obstacles. Not for me but for himself. That with You he can be strong.

And let him see that he is worthy. Worthy of so much more than his present situation. That because he is Your child he is worthy of so many blessings.

And give him confidence, Lord. Confidence that in You he is enough exactly the way he is. That he is enough and he is worthy.

Lord, give me a man who believes these things about himself. But most importantly give me a man who believes in you. Whose walk with you will join with mine. So that together we can grow in You.

Monday, January 2, 2017

I'm not a perfectionist, I'm a control freak

Hi my name is Becky and I'm a control freak.

Lately, I've been reminded how easy it is to let other things control me like my emotions. Rather than my brain. Especially when it comes to my eating and exercise habits.

So, for the next several weeks, month, or two months, I'm going to be a control freak. I'm going to exhibit a tighter control over what and where I eat. I'm going to more tightly control how late I stay up in the evening and when I get to sleep. I'm going to control my social activities to allow me to have this control I need over my sleep and eating habits. And I'm going to better control my emotions rather than letting them control me.

I'm going to go back to that old calendar document that I created three Christmases ago. I'm going to open it and format it for now. But we're going to go back to the basics - have each day marked and formatted to the four different areas. I want to see it all in front of me at once not just flip through screens on my phone.

I need to stop relying on my trainer for external accountability. I think that's why things have gone awry the last few months. A year ago I started relying on him to keep me accountable and on track. I stopped relying on myself, holding myself accountable. I need to be my own motivator and accountability partner. His service is just a tool. He's helping me find tune the things I know and expanding my knowledge.

...Four days after writing the above I have had better control of my eating, exercise habits, and emotions. I'm feeling less emotional because I've better controlled my food and exercise habits. I feel like I'm back on the wagon and heading the correct direction. 


Sunday, January 1, 2017

Neglected Relationship

It just occurred to me that there's someone who I have been neglecting to life recently. The last several months there's someone that I've not made time for. I have not made them a priority in my life. And the recent strain on our relationship as evidence of this.

Or maybe I should say the strain in my waistband is evidence of this.

Neglecting to love and care for myself. I have not made time with myself a priority recently. Have not made healthy food a priority. I have not made exercise, yoga, and strength training a priority in my life.

My trainer shared something on his Facebook page the other day about how when we say we don't have time for things that's not what we really mean.

I've made several 2005 post recently but I really do need to find balance between boyfriend time caring for me time work time, and everything else that's a part of my day. The reason there's been so many blog post mentioning this is because it's a real struggle finding someone to share my life with has been a goal in my life but there has my physical health. Trying to find the balance for the year after 37 and a half years of being single is hard