Sunday, July 23, 2017

Surprise!

Well.... so this just happened:


I was just reaching up to floss my teeth and my bicep accidentally flexed. (No, REALLY! It was totally accidental. I'm not in the habit of flexing my arms in the mirror at myself while going through my evening grooming rituals.)

I was so caught by surprise that I dropped the floss and texted my trainer. He "LOL'd" at me and then congratulated me.

Meanwhile, I started crying happy tears. I have had body issues for so long, y'all, that I can't remember the last time I was so amazed and proud of my body.

So, I'm just gonna savor the moment by closing my eyes and taking some deep breaths while I think about this and appreciate my body for all it's done for me. And smile.

Friday, July 21, 2017

Welcome & Rest

Exhausted.
Overwhelmed.
Frazzled.
Restless.

My mind won't stop. Even during yoga.

I've been too busy and I just need to slow down and rest. But I don't know when that will happen. I was even reading a 4-day email devotion series about slowing down to rest, just last week. It resonated with me. And yet this week I've felt non-stop. This week has rushed by, yet Monday seems so long ago.

I just want life to slow down. I want to have nothing to do today so I can rest. I need rest. Yet in an hour I'm off to my part-time summer job. Then I said I would stop by a friend's house. Then I want to go dancing tonight so I can see people I know instead of sit home alone (and learn the next part of the choreography for the flash mob). And I need to work on preparing for my in-person class I'm teaching in the morning. And I need to prepare materials for online class I'm going to teach soon. And. And... the list goes on.

But I just want to stop.

Isn't this why God created the Sabbath? He knew we needed to slow down and rest. And yet I haven't had a true Sabbath in ages.

I found myself yesterday wishing for the start of the school year to get here so life would slow down (crazy, I know)!

But this is life. It doesn't slow down, at least not permanently. It keeps going. We all have to learn how to manage our stress in healthy ways. So today I've got my "Stress Away" essential oil blend on and I'm going to give myself lots of grace and love. (And perhaps a nap after work.) And tomorrow, after class, I'm going to give myself a Sabbath. Total permission to care for myself. Some napping, some yoga, some reading, some healthy cooking, and some exercise.

This place today feels hard, but I won't be here forever. And I am loved. I am loved by my Creator; He calls me His beloved daughter. I call him Father. And Friend. Healer. He is my safe place to go when life is overwhelming. Friends, do you know that you can go to Him too? His arms are open wide waiting for you, no matter where you've been or what you've done. You are always welcome in His arms.

And this is a safe space, too. In the Urban Hiker Girl world, in my life, we are authentic, open, graceful. You are welcome here. You are loved, just as you are. May you feel the love of our Father pouring over you and filling up the empty, hurting places inside. May you feel His healing touch in your life. May you remember that you are ALWAYS His beloved child. NO MATTER WHAT.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Kick Out the Chemicals!

Ladies (& gentlemen!),  we use the most product on our skin and therefore have more junk that bioaccumulates in our bodies. Bioaccumulation can cause so many health issues, which is why it's so important to minimize your toxic exposure! Do yourself a favor. Download the Think Dirty app by the EWG and start scanning your products. You might be surprised by how toxic products are--even labeled natural or gentle! Read this article and see what a difference just a few DAYS can make without those harmful chemicals!

I love that a Young Living has created solutions for these issues--everything from household cleaners, face wash, lotions, soap, hand purifiers, laundry soap, and now make-up!

Are you ready to start making better choices for yourself and your family? We are the gatekeepers of our homes--we decide what can come in! I'd love to show you how to start swapping out these products in your home over time and save you money too!

I've got several "101" classes coming up where you can learn the basics of essential oils and why I chose Young Living. Pick a day that works best for you and invite your friends! Find class and ordering info on my website: www.myYL.com/RebeccaMatson

Original text source credit goes to Lani Palmer, Young Living Silver.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Done

I was in love.

But he broke my heart.

Again.


No, he didn't travel for work anymore. But maybe I can come up there where he is for a visit. ....maybe, but I have several commitments in town this summer, then school resumes so I didn't know when I can travel.


Yes, he's changed; he puts family before work. ...he has a 1 year old daughter. She needs him to be there. He adoress her.


Wait...we were dating two years ago. Long-distance, but still. Then we drifted apart because he got busy at work and stopped communicating with me. So he went from me, to another woman, and got her pregnant within a couple months. ...and then they split shortly before his daughter was born. This is not looking good for him.


But I have him another chance. He said a lot of things I wanted to hear.


And sometimes he said nothing at all, even though he said he'd call.


And when I finally said something about it, because it felt like what happened last time, all I got was excuses. He's got his daughter. He's got to catch up on work. He can't travel.


Fine.


But if you want to have a relationship, you've got to put some time and energy into it. Just like you did growing your business, buddy.


So you don't really want me. At least not enough to invest your time and energy.


Not even when I had a crummy business meeting and wanted cheering up, nothing more than talking to you. And you said nothing for three days.


Because you were busy. That's fine.  That's how you are.


But I don't want that anymore.


I want. I deserve! Someone who will make time in their life for me. Someone who will invest time and energy into a relationship.


So I will keep waiting until he and I find each other. Better to be alone on my own than lonely (and lied to) in a relationship.


But it still hurts. And tonight I'm trying to feel as horrible in my body as I do in my heart. My old brain wiring is driving me to eat crap. 

I hate this.

But this too shall pass...

Monday, June 12, 2017

God Speaks

I thought that not getting the job in Denver was a great disappointment. For several days I dragged myself around feeling very sad and disappointed. I was probably not much fun to be with because on top of that, my family, who I had hoped was coming to visit my birthday week, had a change of plans so I wasn't going to get to see them, either. I was just sad and blue for several days. Even when interviewing with another school about a teaching position closer to my brother's family. I just couldn't get excited about it.

A few days have passed and I'm not so sad anymore.

There's that relationship being revived again. And I'm starting to hope again. I keep seeing reminders to hope in what could be. Today, I had a reminder that maybe my disappointment at not getting the job in Denver could be leading me to other blessings. Perhaps the blessing of a renewed relationship with someone I was deeply in love with and want to love again. (A line from "Pride and Prejudice" keeps running through my mind. Jane Bennett says something like, "I'm very much in danger of falling in love with him as much as I was before (or something like that).)

From the devotion at Proverbs 31:
http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/when-your-circumstances-feel-like-chains/

Are you feeling chained back from your dreams? I encourage you to read this devotion from Proverbs 31 Ministries.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Go Ahead and Dream

Well, between last night's devotion and this morning's Facebook memories, I think there's a message that I need to just go ahead and dream.

This was in my devotion book last night:
"Rest in me, my child. Give your mind a break from planning and trying to anticipate what will happen. Pray continually, asking my spirit to take charge of the details of this day. Remember that you are on a journey with Me. When you try to peer into the future and plan for every possibility, you ignore your constant Companion, who sustains you moment by moment. As you gaze anxiously into the distance, you don't even feel the strong grip of My hand holding yours. How foolish you are, My child!" (From the book "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young)

I have often prayed, in the past, for God to give me an obvious sign (like a flaking neon billboard) about what He wants me to do. Here I didn't even ask for that, but it seems I have my answer, "go ahead and dream, hope, My child. I will see you through this, no matter what."

So I guess the next step is to boldly move forward, without doubt or hesitation, trusting that God is good and in control.

Oh, here's another reminder...as I'm writing these last words, a song comes on in the background.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Hope

I'm afraid to hope. It seems lately that when I hope for things that they don't come true.


I sometimes dream of what could be if... I'm not afraid to dream. I'm just afraid to hope that those dreams will come true.

I dreamed of what it would be like to move to my dream school/church in Denver. To be near my grandma. To be part of a ministry that actually reaches beyond it's doors to serve it's neighbors. I loved this dream so much. I hoped that this would come true. I prayed fervently; it seemed that God had put this dream in my heart so I prayed that He would fulfill it.

That dream grew and filled my heart. At times I became anxious that it might not work out; in those moments I turned that fear over to God by simply telling Him about it and asking Him to help me through those moments. And I prayed for the school, too, as the principal sorted out staff transitions that a "just right" place might work out for me.

And then I heard from them. It was not going to work out. I felt so sad. I had dared to dream and hope that this dream might come true. But it didn't. And I was extremely disappointed. Not quite crushed, but more than sad. I felt a little deflated.

And now another possible opportunity may be presenting itself, in another area of my life. And I've thought a bit about "what if...." but I'm scared to let myself dream about the possibilities of what the future could hold. This opportunity has presented itself before in the past and things didn't turn out well. I want this opportunity to be different than before. To have a better ending. But I'm a little scared to hope. I've hoped for this twice before, but both times felt hurt. Yet this opportunity has come back again, this opportunity that I wanted so much the first two times but feel so scared to admit to still wanting it. Maybe I'm not afraid to hope for it, but I'm afraid to admit I'm hoping for it. I'm afraid to let this hope get too big because I could get hurt big.

I guess they always say "go big or go home"... so maybe I will hope and dream for this to turn out differently this time.

Lord, I give this dream, this hope to You. Guide me. Help me to dream big and trust that You've got this, that You will work out what is best for me. I trust You, Lord, to do this.