Crying because you miss someone doesn't make you weak. No matter your gender.
If you feel sad and need to shed tears as you experience your feelings that's ok. Let me sit beside you and hold space for you as you feel that feeling. There is no judgment. Your feelings are not right or wrong. They are simply your feelings.
Feel all your feelings. Let them pass. I'll be here with you.
I have a scar on my heart.
Four years ago I fell in love. He made me fall in love with him. He wrote me a poem about our first date as he flew home from visiting me. He was sweet and gentle with me, yet a strong and confident man. Though our relationship was long distance, we prayed together every night on the phone.
He fell in love with me first. When I was sick, he called to comfort me. He told me he wished he could take care of me. And before he hung up he said he loved me. I wanted to say it, too, but in person, looking into his eyes. I told him I wanted to say it, too, but in person when he came back again in a few weeks.
He never came back. At first it was reasonable excuses. Then it was silence. And a broken heart.
Then a few years later he popped up in social media. We chatted. I put together puzzle pieces about him and he broke my heart again at the things I came to realize about him. I never should have loved him. But I did.
And it left a scar. His promises to call and to visit that went unfulfilled. And now whenever a guy promises to call or visit and then is late or unable to, it tears at that wound and I feel the raw ache again.
It hurts.
It's not his issue. It's mine to deal with.
Some day I hope that there's a man who will not reopen that wound.
Today my spirit feels lighter. I'm at the end of my antibiotics and feeling so much better. Summer break from school is only a few weeks away. And last night I took a trip out to the country to breathe some fresh air and spent time with a good friend and got love from his dog.
To keep my spirit light, this week I intend to:
* do morning yoga Sunday - Thursday
* walk outside or on the elliptical three or more times a week
* do HIIT on the elliptical twice
* go to bed at 10 pm on work nights to stay healthy til the end of the year
* spend more time in prayer meditation and scripture (2 or 3 nights)
* keep my gut healthy by avoiding excessive sugar
* call my mom and grandma to let them know I love them
