Week Nine Intentions

A few weeks ago I joined "diet bet" and bet on myself, that I could lose 4% in 4 weeks. The first week I gained 4 pounds . The second week I lost 2 pounds. I need to lose about 9 pounds to win my bet, otherwise I forfeit my buy in and someone else gets my money.

I intend to try as hard as I can to win. It won't be easy, but I'm gonna give it my best effort. I contacted my trainer friend in Salt Lake City to ask for his help. He said I need to do exactly what he says and eat a specific number of calories a day with the macro balance that we decided works best for me. If I don't do that, he can't help me.

I'm not gonna lie. It's intimidating. I know it's gonna be hard. Really hard. But even if I don't hit the diet bet scale number, I'll have a victory because I tried. And because I started making myself, my health, a priority again.

This week, I intend to:
- eat exactly as planned, key word PLANNED. I made the plan yesterday and I'm sticking to it for two weeks.
- exercise as planned: 2 weight workouts, 2 HIIT  workouts on the elliptical, yoga every day before work, and long low intensity elliptical sessions on the non weight/non HIIT days.
- stick to my 8:30 wind down time on school nights (which I'm already breaking tonight. I'm gonna do better tomorrow!)
- drink 60-80 ounces of water a day
- finish strong on the last week of my Bible study

This week, I'm primarily focusing on caring for my physical healthy. Phew! It's gonna be a fight, but I've got it in me!

Week Eight Intentions

Last week, I felt so much better than I have in a while. I was sleeping better, doing yoga every morning before work, I hit the weights twice (which is my goal), and did interval training on the elliptical almost every day. My food choices were a lot better, too, and by the end of the week, my gut was the happiest it's been in months! Which made me happy, too. Most importantly, I was spending time on my bible study every day, which is good for my spirit. And, the cherry on top was making time for my weekly dance lesson.

No, my week wasn't perfect. A guy I've had a couple dates with decided he wasn't interested in seeing me again (his loss, because I'm a great catch), and I got an ugly email at work. I didn't let either ruin my days.

This coming week, I intend to keep doing the things that make my body and soul happy, which then makes me a better teacher:
- leave work at work
- spend time regularly in Bible study & prayer
- yoga every weekday morning & HIIT every school night
- weights twice a week
- home cooked meals
- drinking plenty of water
- go to dance lesson

... And maybe I'll eventually clean my bathroom.

Hey, it's about progress not perfection, as Lysa TerKeurst writes in a couple of her books!

Love Well

Some people love well. Some people don't love very well. They are probably doing it the best they can, but because they didn't have better examples in their own life or didn't try to learn to love well, their love ends up hurting others.

Have you had someone in your life like that, someone who doesn't love you well and ends up hurting you? I have. And some days I let it get to me and I feel frustrated and hurt by the way they love me. And I'm good days I can look at them with compassion, sigh, and accept that they are doing the best they can even though it doesn't feel like good love to me.

As I'm reading my Bible study book this evening, I got to this sentence "God made sure this message got to you in the middle of whatever you are facing right now." And after reading that sentence all I can say is "thank you, Jesus!" Thank you for loving me well. Thank you for loving me in a way that always feel safe and always feels nurturing and always feels compassionate. In a way that makes me feel like I am of the utmost importance to you. In a way that makes me feel treasured, but not shown off like flashy jewels.

And, yep, this reminds me of a song. Check out Mercy Me's song, "The Generous Mr. Lovewell" here:
https://youtu.be/R5oPiYOMHwg

My hope is that by sharing my journey, my struggles and my triumphs, out won't be  wasted time and energy here, but that it will encourage others. I'm here. I struggle. Sometimes I get stuck for a bit. But I eventually get unstuck and keep moving. It's not perfect, but it's progress.

Whatever you're facing, you can get through it. Our struggles may not be the same. But hard is hard. You're not alone. And you're stronger that you know. I was. I am. Keep moving, friend. Don't give up.

Week Seven Intentions

This week(end's) intentions:

As I lay in bed thinking of everything on my plate it became overwhelming.

So I decided to put myself first....and I let myself go back to sleep. When I woke again, I pondered what it would be like to rearrange how I prioritize things on the weekend.

1. Sleep as long as I need.
2. Take care of health goals by working out.
3. Take care of health goals by planning meals & grocery shopping.
4. Take care of my spiritual health by working on my bible study.
5. Take care of my home by cleaning the bathroom that's long overdue.
6. Take care of my job by working on projects I brought home for the weekend.

All of the sudden things seem more manageable, less overwhelming, and achievable.

Work doesn't have to consume all my time. I'm allowed to have a life outside of work. Not getting all the work done doesn't make me a bad person or bad teacher. Prioritizing my time actually makes me a better teacher because I'm taking care of me.

Day One

Well, I didn't do yoga this morning, or yesterday. Yesterday I skipped because my flight had gotten in so late the night before I needed every previous minute for sleeping before work. Today I just forgot to set the alarm. (In fact, when I woke up I was afraid I'd slept in till yesterday's late alarm!)

Not an auspicious start for my new intentions and plan to reach my whys.

After school today I spent some time lesson planning, which brought up a whole 'nother project that kept me busy till well after I'd planned to leave. As I turned off my computer I thought, "so much for working out tonight. I have so many other things to do when I get home."

But as I stood up and put my coat on, I remembered to ask myself, "will this decision help me have the freedom to live with abundant joy and energy?"

The quick answer is no, so I mentally pushed back everything else on my "do at home list" and put "do intervals on the elliptical for 25 minutes" at the top of the list.

When I got home, I almost got sidetracked with playing on my phone. Almost. But then I remembered, "will this decision help me have the freedom to live with abundant joy and energy?" I put my phone down, got my workout clothes on, then headed to the fitness center.

And in just the first few minutes I started feeling glad I'd taken the time to put my health first. And a minute after that, I'd already forgotten the rest of the to do list and just enjoyed moving my body on the path to freedom.

Tomorrow, my alarm is set to start my day with yoga! Now, back to the rest of the list!

What's the Why

I've lost my vision.

I lost my focus on my reasons and now I can't see them anymore.

I'm frustrated, feeling defeated and hopeless

I spent some time on the phone this evening with a friend taking about her why. It helped me figure out my what, but not my why.

So I dug in a little deeper after we got off the phone.

I want a quick fix, but I know that won't be a lasting fix. I need to reconnect to my why or find a new why. Or both. This is gonna be like making brisket, a slow process done with love and careful attention. This isn't easy peasy Mac'n'cheesy! Besides briskets way better, and better for you!

My old why of wanting to play volleyball and to run is gone. My body simply cannot do those because of my irreversible joint damage.

But I still want to be able to chase my little nephews and niece around.
And I still want people to see on the outside the me that's buried inside. I know that hasn't happened for several months.

And then thinking of a few new whys, I looked at my the words for this year: freedom, life, abundance.

I want FREEDOM to move with grace and ease (especially while I'm dancing - I feel held back by my extra weight).
I want FREEDOM to wear all of the clothes in my closet. (I feel sick in the same few stretchy pants and long shirts that hide the tummy I don't like and thighs that are thicker.)
I want to live a LIFE with ABUNDANT joy and energy to chase my dreams! (I feel stuck without energy in a lackluster cycle of monotony. I'm not living to the fullest.)

So now I've got my what (freedom, life, abundance), and my whys. Next step, figure out the how... which I already know I just need to get back to doing.

Week Six Intentions

This weekend has been hard because of my grandma's funeral. I ate a lot to comfort myself. I know it won't, but I couldn't quite stop myself.

Anyway, I know I need to get back on track. So, when I get home, I intend to:
*start each work day with yoga
*lift weights once this week
*get 20 minutes on the elliptical five days this week
*speak kindly and lovingly to myself