Monday, November 24, 2014

Thanksgiving Plans

I started mentally processing what my plans for Thanksgiving would be a few weeks ago. For the meal that is. What and how I would eat. When and if I would exercise. Nothing completely definite yet as I will be a house guest so it can be hard to say for sure what the menu will be or what the day will hold, but I know what I can and need to do to take care of myself: limit the carbs and sweets to my body feels good. Try to get physical activity/movement in as able.

I also decided that this was a week that I was going to try to just hold steady. Sort of practice for when I reach my weight goal of maintaining it. I had a big loss last week so it would only be fitting to maintain, and in light of the holiday this week it seems even more fitting to not try to push myself too hard to lose weight, but to just try to hold steady.

So, this morning I changed my settings on my food tracker to "maintain current weight" and it automatically upped my calories. I get about an extra 800 calories more than what I'd been eating to lose 1.5 lbs a week. Wow! I'm already planning to conserve calories the day before and after, therefore allowing myself to enjoy all the food I want on Thanksgiving day without fear of going over my calorie goals. I am also going to listen to my body and not over eat. There will be leftovers. I can always have more later (except our GBC- that always goes quickly so I hope we make lots!). Listen to my body. Eat slowly so that I can enjoy the food and so that I can gauge how full I'm getting or if I still have room for one more helping.

I know that some of these goals are vague and may be hard to keep, but I've still got a few more days to solidify things and giving myself freedom from worry about calories and weight loss/gain feels very significant for me. I feel proud that I'm taking care of myself this way.

Please share your Thanksgiving survival plans.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Observing Myself

I just noticed that I want to go eat a bunch of the leftover doughnuts and muffins in the kitchen.

Wow. I must be stressed.

I'm overtired. I overslept on Monday. I didn't go to bed early enough Monday night. So far, it's been a rough week.

I'm anxious. How do I play this whole dating situation? Do I write back? Do I not, do I just wait?

I also noticed a few minutes before that I just wanted to cry. Connecting that to the "I want to go eat all the doughnuts" desire, I realized I'm stressed. What is something loving and nurturing I can do for myself right now?

I will remind myself that these are just feelings. They aren't good or bad, they simply are.

I'm also going to give myself permission to cry in a safe space if it will help. And permission to nap when I get home. Then we I get up from my nap I'll have a healthy dinner and exercise. Those things sound loving and nurturing towards myself. Ahh...I love self-care.

How do you care for yourself when you are stressed?

Listening, Prayers, and Relief

Yesterday was a rough day.

I woke up late. My alarm never went off. I had set it; I just forgot to turn it on. My roommate woke me up 5 minutes after she wanted to leave for work. Thankfully, she was gracious and kind about me oversleeping and told me to not worry about it.

But still, waking up late sets the tone for the day and mine was off all day.

I missed our staff devotions because when I got to school I discovered a bunch of little things that I had forgotten to do to prepare for the day. I felt like I was behind all day.

I texted the guy I had a date with on Friday night (date #4) to say that I had a good time and thanks for dinner. And any chance of seeing him again. Though I know the date went well, and despite the fact that I know he's a mellow, laid back guy, despite the fact that it's only date #4, his response made me anxious. Does he not like me? Does he not like me as much as I thought? What's going on?

That evening I was all out of sorts. I was anxious, agitated, and tired. I succumbed to tears. Those tears and snuggling my roommate's kitty helped a bit. I also took some time to use my EBT skills and do a "cycle" to go through my feelings, essential pains, and earned rewards of struggling through this. I felt somewhat lifted by listening to my body.

But when I went to bed, more tears came. That's when I finally cried out to Jesus.

Jesus, I need your help here. I'm feeling anxious. I don't know what to do. Help me through this. Take this burden and this worry from me tonight. Help me to sleep in Your peace.

And I slept. Peacefully in the arms of Jesus. Thanks be to God.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Milestone Celebration

Ok, I've said it again and again: it's important to celebrate along the way, so today I'm celebrating having reached another milestone. But first, let me say, I am NOT a runner.

One of my goals at the end of last December was to run. Not like I wanted to train for a marathon or anything, but I wanted to have the freedom to move my body in that way. I wanted to be able to run around with "my kids" and my niece and nephew. (My kids are my students.)

Today I ran around with "my kids" and had a blast! I joined in the game of tag during PE this afternoon. And I had so much fun. I could fake running slow so they could tag me not because I really was slow.

As I reflected on that success this evening as I left the fitness center I walked a little taller, with my back a little straighter, and a smile on my face. I have reached one of my goals and it feels great.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Write Your Story

Every day is a choice. Every moment is a choice.

Today I started with some healthy choices. I felt good from my better eating habits and exercise habits over the last few days.

I've been burning close to 1000 calories a day from physical activity the last several days. I'm feeling physically good. And, by lunch time I was also starving from all the extra calories burned.

There just happened to be a leftover cupcake sitting in the kitchen at lunch time. I was starving. I'd eaten my healthy salad and was still hungry. It was calling my name and my willpower was low. So I ate it.

Later I got a sugar headache. I wasn't feeling great and I had a choice to make. Do I give in and grab some more crap? Or do I do a 180 and go back to healthy snacks? I thought about how my body would feel and chose the afternoon snack that would make me feel best. I chose the banana and string cheese.

I'm so glad I did. I know that if I had  given in to the junk cravings that I would be feeling miserable right now. But I didn't give in. I got out of the sugar funk and when I got home I grabbed a healthy snack before hitting the fitness center.

I burned almost another 1000 calories. And I'm feeling healthy and good... and hungry. I think I'm going to go grab a piece of fruit and some protein.

Monday, November 10, 2014

It Takes a Village

It takes a village to raise a child.

It also takes a village to succeed on this journey.

That's the reason I started this blog. I wanted to share my journey and provide encouragement to others. I hope that through sharing my ups and downs we can build our villages and find support on our journeys.

Today I read a great blog article about the "#1 Habit You Should Have to Lose Weight". (Read it here) It reminded me of why this is so important to me. I need you. And hopefully, you need me, too.

So, on that note, I want to share some successes with you.

1- I'm staying away from sugar, mostly. I had a small bowl of gelato on a date the other night. I didn't finish it, and I didn't let it set me off on a sugar binge for days. It was a small victory.

2- I've been working out regularly. My doctor says I'm at a good weight, but if I wanted I could lose 5-10 more pounds. He also said I need to focus on toning. So, I'm beefing up the abs work to tone my middle a bit more.

3. And because of that hard work.... drum roll, please.... I'm down another notch on my belt! At the end of the belt. Kind of sad because I love this belt. Guess it's time to go shopping again.

Monday, November 3, 2014

I Did It!

I did it. I made it a whole day without sugary snacks. (There was a slight setback yesterday. After I posted on my blog yesterday, I ate an apple fritter donut at church. I did not feel good while doing it. Not only because I had just posted about not eating sugar, but also because of how it made me physically feel.)

Today, my body is feeling better already. Not great, because I'm still flushing some sugar from my system and therefore my joints are still a little achy and some muscles are still stiff, but a lot better. I felt more positive; less grouchy and irritable. More energetic, less lethargic. My workout felt great, more pep in my step.

It's really helpful to stay away from the sweets when I reflect on how I feel when I eat well and observe the feelings in my body. The best part was while on the treadmill I felt like my waist was slimmer and less puffy and jiggly. It felt like things were back in place.

I feel grateful for the effort I put into taking care of myself. I am worth it.

Sunday, November 2, 2014


You got me wanting you.

I can't help myself, I love you and nobody else.

(And in honor of the recent holiday:) 
I want candy! Lots of candy!

Hello. My name is Becky 
and I'm a sugar addict.

I love sugar. Sugar does not love me.
I love sugar for the sweet taste. It instantly satisfies. It provides a rush.

But sugar always lets me down. There's always a crash later. I get a headache. I get stiff and my joints ache. It get....well, to put it nicely, I get irritable and grouchy. (Some might say bitchy.) Sugar turns me into a not nice, not good feeling person. But it's so addicting that I keep wanting more not matter how much I know it will hurt me later. It's a vicious cycle.

I'm tired of this cycle. I need to remind myself of why I like NOT eating sugary sweets. I need to remember the positives of eating healthy, low-sugar/no-sugar treats. I need to remember what sugar turns me into (a not nice person who doesn't feel good). I'm going to post these reminders by my pantry.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Where Am I Going?

I've had some off weeks these last several weeks. Hence only one post in October.
I was sick for the middle portion of the month, then spent the next week trying to recover from what was missed while I was sick. While I was sick I started out taking "ok" care of myself, eating fairly well the first few days and getting enough rest, but then things changed. I didn't rest as much and therefore I was too tired to prepare the good foods I knew my body needed. I gave into cravings and tiredness. I ordered pizza and ate junk. It took me a while to get better even after I was over the cold I didn't feel good because I was full of junk.
I knew what I needed to do to feel better: eat better and get back on the exercise routine. So I did just that and started feeling better. I felt so much better that I thought I would be ok to have some candy and sweets at a Halloween party.
I was so wrong.
Today I feel awful. Friday morning I was celebrating officially being down 70 pounds this year. Today, the scale has fluctuated up again and I'm feeling lousy because of the sugar. My body aches. I have a headache. I'm feeling irritable and cranky (that's partly due, though, to the fact that I had to go in to work on my day off).
I've done some thinking the last few days. Why have I been indulging in the sugar and junk that I KNOW will make me feel lousy? Why do I do this when I'm so close to my goal that the end is in sight? Am I afraid of reaching my goal? Where am I going? I've lost sight of how far I've come and where I am headed.

I don't think that's the answer. I think I've been on this journey for so long that I stopped celebrating the small victories and celebrating myself and my progress.
So starting now I'm recognizing my accomplishment and how far I've come in this journey. Tomorrow, I'm going to go buy myself  the new jeans that I've been waiting for and deserve. I'm also going to start back on the healthy eating and exercising plan. (I've found a a great buns workout  from the TODAY show on Facebook!)
I feel proud of how far I've come.
I feel proud of the small changes I've made.
I feel proud of myself sticking with this for so long.
I feel alive.
I feel vibrant.
I feel healthy.
I feel beautiful.
I feel proud that the inner me is now available for all to see.