I'm afraid to hope. It seems lately that when I hope for things that they don't come true.
I sometimes dream of what could be if... I'm not afraid to dream. I'm just afraid to hope that those dreams will come true.
I dreamed of what it would be like to move to my dream school/church in Denver. To be near my grandma. To be part of a ministry that actually reaches beyond it's doors to serve it's neighbors. I loved this dream so much. I hoped that this would come true. I prayed fervently; it seemed that God had put this dream in my heart so I prayed that He would fulfill it.
That dream grew and filled my heart. At times I became anxious that it might not work out; in those moments I turned that fear over to God by simply telling Him about it and asking Him to help me through those moments. And I prayed for the school, too, as the principal sorted out staff transitions that a "just right" place might work out for me.
And then I heard from them. It was not going to work out. I felt so sad. I had dared to dream and hope that this dream might come true. But it didn't. And I was extremely disappointed. Not quite crushed, but more than sad. I felt a little deflated.
I guess they always say "go big or go home"... so maybe I will hope and dream for this to turn out differently this time.
Lord, I give this dream, this hope to You. Guide me. Help me to dream big and trust that You've got this, that You will work out what is best for me. I trust You, Lord, to do this.