Time to be honest with myself. I don't like the way I've been eating the last two weeks. I made excuses that it was hard to eat at home because of the clutter from unpacking and that it was easier to eat out. But really, hamburgers, ice cream, and french fries with every meal are not a good choice (even if they're from Chik-fil-A?).
I told myself it would be ok- I was burning extra calories from the manual labor of moving boxes and unpacking. ...and then I stepped on the scale last weekend to discover that I had undone most of the good I had done at my last weigh in (losing over three pounds). I'm up a pound and a half. Argh.
I started making small changes, better choices in my eating this week on some occasions. I started back on my walking (treadmill or elliptical machine) a few times. One time when we (my roommate and I) were out running errands I asked to find somewhere healthy; we found a grocery store where I got a fresh Cobb salad (yum- hard boiled eggs and bacon!). And yesterday, instead of suggesting we go grab lunch, I made a salad instead (50/50 spring mix, goat cheese, pecans, some fresh cherries (sliced), and balsamic vinaigrette).
Despite making these small, better changes I'm still up that pound and a half; the scale hasn't moved down again this week. I think it's the ice cream, hamburger with onion rings, etc. that I also ate this week. It's no wonder I woke up with a stomach ache this morning and negative self-thoughts going through my head.
So, I just listened.
I listened for a moment to the negative self-thoughts (I'm getting so fat. I can't believe I'm doing this. etc.) and then I stopped. Why am I thinking this way, I asked myself. It's the food, I realized. Not only does it make me feel bloated and upset my stomach, it's also somehow connected to my thinking. I've been eating some not good for me food, so I'm feeling not good and thinking not good. And in that moment - not the times I've stepped on the scale this week to check my weight, not the times I ordered the crappy food knowing it wasn't good for me, not the times I woke up with stomach aches, not the times I complained to myself about the breakouts on my chin caused by eating crappy food - in the moment I stopped to listen to my body, to really listen, I heard the answer.
I need to stop what I'm doing and make a change because it's affecting the way I feel physically and the way I think about myself. I like myself. I love myself. I love my new body and how amazing it is that my body has carried me to this point in my life. I love that my body is continually changing. I love that my body allows me to pick up heavy boxes, run (ok, slowly jog) on the treadmill, do lunges and squats (even though I hate doing them), and I love my body because it's beautiful.
So here's to me and to another chance today to listen to myself and take care of my beautiful, wonderful body and all that it allows me to do.