Monday, September 15, 2014

Reality Check

I stepped on the scale this morning. The numbers reflected what I knew was true. Despite the extra exercise I'd done on Saturday, I had eaten a lot of crap on Sunday and the scale had gone up. Fortunately (?), this wasn't my official weigh in day, so I didn't have to enter it into record. It was just a reality check. That, and the red bumps on my face are the evidence that I have not been eating well for several days and so my body was reflecting that.

Determined to not go on my date on Saturday feeling bloated or with red bumps on my face, I planned my food for the day. I also determined that I was going to be extra focused on eating well, logging everything, and continuing the good exercise routine I'd gotten back into last week.

I did well today, planning out my lunch and prepacking it the night before really helped. This morning all I had to do was pull my lunch bag out of the fridge and I was set with my morning snack, lunch, and afternoon snack. On the way to work I logged all the food I was planning to eat and what I'd eaten for breakfast and I was 100 calories under my goal for the day. Knowing I might have time to exercise after work before going to the movie I knew I'd be ok to have/take with me, a light, healthy snack to eat at the movie theater if I got hungry.

When I got home from work today I realized that I didn't have as much time to exercise before the move (and check the mail, pick up a package, eat dinner, and change my clothes), so I decided to skip the workout, secure in the knowledge that I'd already accounted for all my food today and I had room to spare so I didn't need to work out in order to enjoy dinner guilt-free.

Everything changed after I picked up my packages.

I was only expecting a box of books that I'd ordered. Instead, there was a second package. As I read my address and recognized the handwriting, I lost my appetite and started to feel upset. As I walked back to my apartment, I tried very hard to not cry but all was lost once I entered the safety of my home. I started crying and immediately wanted cookies, even though I was no longer hungry.

Not ready to deal with the package's contents or the sender, I stuck it in our spare bedroom that I rarely enter, knowing it would stay there safely and unnoticed until I was ready to deal with it later (whenever that might be).

I steeled myself to stick with the healthy dinner that I had planned (yummy leftover chili). "No cookies- remember your upcoming date!" I told myself. That got me through the process of heating it in the microwave. As I started to dry the tears I found my appetite return.

As I finished my dinner I reflected on how much my feelings hand changed in the past 30 minutes and what an effect it had on my appetite and cravings. I had come home hungry and looking forward to my yummy leftover chili, but after opening the mail and seeing a package that I'd forgotten was coming I'd lost my appetite and my cravings for cookies (sweets) were running rampant. I won this battle, the war will still continue as I rewire my brain and how I respond to emotions.

Deep breath. You can do it, girl.

No comments:

Post a Comment