Why Do I Do This to Myself?

This afternoon I'm feeling like a busted can of biscuits.
No more cookies!

Why do I do this to myself?

I know why I do it. I know how I will feel afterwards. Yet I do it anyways.

I was bored with my plain chicken and white rice lunch. I am over-tired from two very late nights in a row. And there was a huge tray of cookies in the staff workroom. I ate 4 cookies without much hesitation. After I had two mini cupcakes this morning for a student's birthday treat.

And 30 minutes later I have a stomach ache and a headache. I'm going to feel the sugar drop a little later, so on top of my over-tiredness I'll feel really lousy from the sugar.

Why do I do this to myself?

I'd already told myself this morning that I needed to be better this weekend because I'm up a few pounds on the scale. I packed myself a lunch and morning and afternoon snacks that were things I'd normally enjoy and feel good about eating. I ate them, but I kept right on eating other things that I knew would make me feel not good.

And I'm supposed to go out with coworkers for dinner tonight. I hope.... no, not hope,... I will PLAN to do better with my choices the rest of the day. I can do this. I know what needs to be done to take care of myself and make myself feel better.

This is a process. I'm still learning to listen to my body and take care of myself. I lived the old way for 35 years. Training myself to act a different way won't happen overnight. Even a year later I'm still learning and practicing this new way of living. Changing my mindset is hard. Being present and mindful is hard. I'm tough, though, and I can do this.