I think I may be stressed.
Yah, I'm pretty sure I am. Last month was rough. There was a lot going on at school: Epiphany program which included daytime practices and an evening performance, National Lutheran Schools Week which included special dress-up days and some special events, Social Studies fair which included special classroom activities and an evening event, and that's just the work-related stuff.
I do try to have a life outside of school, though sometimes that's hard. We teachers take home papers to grade and lessons to plan, so even when the end of the day bell rings we aren't actually done with work. We could spend several hours a night on those two things alone, if we let ourselves.
I also try to take care of myself physically by cooking more at home and exercising regularly. Last month that was kind of sketchy, though by some miracle of miracles I finally managed to hit the 100 pound mark on the last day of the month.
I know I didn't eat as well as I could have. My upset stomach most of the month and red spots currently residing on my face are proof of that. After a year of focusing on taking care of myself and noticing how my body feels in response to what I eat and the exercise I get, you'd think I'd have learned by now.
Yet here I am today, blogging about how stressed I am. I feel crappy. Yesterday I got up and weighed in and was riding a high for a few hours after discovering that I'd finally hit the 100 pound mark. So I treated myself to a lunch at Chipotle and ate 1100 calories which made me feel awful. To top that off, I ate 4 pieces of carb-loaded, greasy pizza for dinner. I don't think I had a single fruit or vegetable yesterday, except for a few dismal slivers of green pepper on the supreme supreme pizza and boy am I feeling it today.
I woke up exhausted, despite getting about 10 hours of sleep. I'm pretty sure it's a combination of having had a busy, long week last week at the end of a long month AND not eating well yesterday. So how do I feel this morning?
I'm slightly freaking out. Friday my date was great and things seemed back to normal. Today, the scale says I'm 2.3 pounds heavier than I was yesterday morning so I'm feeling bloated and uncomfortable in my own skin and questioning my relationship with the guy. The big question: Is he seeing anyone else and do I want to ask? Because if the answer is yes, than I may want to stay in my blissfully ignorant state. If the answer is no then life can go on as before.
I feel like crawling into a cave today and hiding, after I workout, of course. A cave where I can eat vegetables and fruit to hopefully make my tummy feel better again. But it's Super Bowl Sunday and my team is playing. I've been invited to a party. I know I'll have a good time watching the game, but I also know there will be lots of food. I need a plan, but I'm just feeling so drained I don't want to. Would it be weird to show up with a little lunch bag full of food for just me to eat? You know, healthy stuff so I know there are options I'll feel good about. That might be the plan, or part of the plan.
I hear my phone chirping in the other room, I think the guy responded to an earlier question. Now, do I want to ask the big question or wait until I'm feeling better about myself?.... I think I'll wait. That may be slightly chicken of me, but I also know that in my current state it would probably result in some emotional eating and I don't want to do emotional eating so this is taking care of myself.
Yep, I'm stressed. Football. Relationship. Work. Food. Lack of sleep. Definitely stressed. Time to go do some self-care in the fitness center.