"I'll be ok," I tell myself. "Correction, I AM ok."
It's been going through my head for several weeks- telling myself I AM ok, even when I don't feel it. But, y'all, I wasn't. I wasn't taking good care of myself. I wasn't ok so I wasn't eating well, I wasn't sleeping well, and I wasn't feeling well emotionally.
On Wednesday of this week I'd had enough. I woke up determined to not eat any candy or sweets that day. Morning was easy. Lunchtime came and I had a good lunch. But the afternoon was the hardest. I keep a tub of Jolly Ranchers in my classroom. When my kiddos fill up their homework chart (for bringing back homework on time) they get a piece of candy. Wednesday afternoon the candy was calling my name. Every time I'd walk by it I wanted to just grab one and suck on it, my reasoning being that it was for my dry mouth (because of the cold weather). I looked that temptation in the eye and kept walking. I was so proud of myself.
But oh the headache I was experiencing. I thought it was just allergies and weather change. I took some Tylenol and tried to move on.
Thursday the headache was still there. I continued to stare down the temptation of the Jolly Ranchers. I left work feeling victorious over the candy's calling, but with a pounding headache and a cancelled coffee date.
After work I begged my roommate to stop at Target on our way home from work, which she did. I remembered what my doctor had suggested- Benadryl and Mucinex. So I grabbed a box of each and hit the checkout. Finally at 7 pm on Thursday night I felt relief as those meds kicked in. I could breathe and my headache was finally gone. And with the headache gone, I suddenly didn't feel so tired or lethargic either. Amazing.
Friday was a wonderful day now that I was "feeling better". The candy was no longer calling my name. I was able to focus on my kids and not my headache. I was the best teacher I'd been in a few weeks. And I was going dancing that night!
I'd made a new friend two weekends ago while out dancing. He just plopped down on a chair next to me while I was resting between dances and started chatting. His charming personality and warm smile helped me open up and we started chatting. I went dancing two nights in a row last weekend and he was there both nights. We swapped numbers and now I have a dancing friend.
He picked me up Friday night and we stayed out until after 3 am. I can't remember a night in a long time where I have smiled and laughed so much, deep belly laughing, or felt so thoroughly happy. I AM ok.
Taking care of myself by eating well, exercising, and getting enough sleep helped me feel like myself again. I AM ok. No more tears over the past. I'm looking forward to the future and enjoying, embracing the present.