Saturday, May 30, 2015

Love Is

When I think about love, or when I think about being "in love", and how the feeling has faded and wondered if I still love the person, the line from DC Talk's song comes to mind: love is a verb. Take a listen here if you haven't heard it before, or if you haven't heard it for a while:

Love is more than a feeling. Sure, that "in love" feeling is nice, but it doesn't last. So when the feeling fades, is love gone? In our thinking brains, we know that the answer is no, but in our feeling, emotional brains, we might question our love or the other person's love.

I am a person who is very in-tune with their emotions. That gift has its ups and downs. It helps me be a compassionate, loving person. I feel things deeply. And because I feel things deeply, I love deeply and sometimes easily and I get my heart broken deeply, painfully, too.

So, the questions going through my mind the last few weeks is: do I still love him, does he still love me? We no longer have the "in love" feelings, the need to always be together (or in our case of long-distance relationship, always be texting/calling each other about everything). Life has taken a big shift as he had some big issues come up at work. We haven't been able to connect the last couple weeks as we did the first many weeks of our relationship (month and a half). Does that mean we are no longer in love?

In my logical, thinking brain I know the answer is no, we haven't stopped loving each other; or at least I haven't stopped loving him. In my emotional brain, and remember I'm an emotional person - very strongly E on the Myers-Briggs personality test, sometimes my irrational feelings get the better of me and I let doubts creep in. And I think this is the devil preying on me, using my gift as also my weakness to attack me.

Again, I have to go back to the reminder that love is not a feeling, love is a verb.

I saw a post on Facebook several weeks ago. It was something like a conversation between a parent and their daughter. Every time the daughter would come home deeply in love with/have a crush on a boy at school, the parent would ask: Can you put their name in place of the word love in 1 Corinthians 13? If the answer is no, then it's not really love.

I tried this with his name after I read the post. His name fit. Boy, but on the other hand, lately my name does not. I haven't trusted or hoped very well. I'm praying about this, as well as seeking support from godly women, and spending time in prayer and God's Word.

Love is a journey. God is growing me. It's not easy, and sometimes it's painful, but the refiner's fire will make me stronger. 

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