Monday, September 14, 2015

Outta Whack

I still feel outta whack. I feel like crying over the littlest things. And I get pissed off over the littlest things. And I'm still so tired, even thought I got plenty rested this weekend. I am definitely not my best self.

I'm feeling pissed off at a friend for not responding to me for several days. A mutual friend says this person just does that some times. I know I shouldn't take it personally, but I am right now. I'm  trying to remember to give them grace and compassion - they are doing the best that they can in their life right now. It's not about me it's about them. It's their issue. They will respond to me when they are ready and able.

And I'm just so fed up with pretty much all men right now. Ok, maybe not all me. I started to think about two that I'm not disgusted with and the list was actually quite long - you can thank my brother and most adorable nephew for swinging the vote that men aren't so bad. Maybe it is just a few men in my life that I need to look at and decide if they are worth the hassle. (And right now I'm leaning towards NOT!)

Ok, and if I'm being honest, I ate sugar yesterday and today. I can feel the tension knots starting in my shoulders. I could be achy from that or from the fact that I didn't sleep well last night which lowered my stress tolerance (which led to some emotional and mindless eating). Now I'm regretting the sugar. (But it's leaving the apartment soon!)

But still, I'm disgusted with men. A few in particular. I want to delete our text histories because I'm pissed off, but really, what good will that do other than I wouldn't have to see their faces and message history listed in my message inbox.

And I'm fed up with rumor starters. A part of me wants to skip some of my favorite activities because there are rumors I'm dating this one guy at dancing, and other rumors about two different guys I might be dating at volleyball. I'm not dating any of them. They are just friends. We sometimes flirt, but mostly we just participate in the same activity together and have fun doing so. Stop spreading rumors, people. This isn't junior high, this is my life.

Gee, I was hoping that if I wrote some of this stuff down it would help clear my mind so I could sleep. Not sure that it's helping because I'm sort of getting riled up. But a moment later I can't keep my eyes open.

I need to go to bed and give myself some grace and compassion - I'm doing the best that I can right now. And when I'm ready, I'll look at what changes I need to make in my life so these darned men are less aggravating to me.

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