I got some new pants after Christmas. They make my butt look great. But I have to be careful or they show off a little muffin top when I'm bloated.. (Additional incentive to eat well and continue my fitness plan- my clothes look better on me.)
After a few days of being back from vacation and back to my usual workout routine my body and mind are feeling a lot better. I woke up this morning feeling pretty good about myself- until I looked at myself naked in the mirror. I saw a belly that's pouchy and a butt with some extra dimples.
When I see that I want to keep it covered. I feel grateful that it's winter and bathing suits are out of season. I feel grateful for spanx and spandex that help put things in place when dressing up. And I wonder if I can ever do enough crunches or lunges to put things back where they belong.
On days like today where I've been eating well and taking care of myself, I let those thoughts slip quickly from my mind. But I know there will probably be other days where those thoughts will nag and linger. Those are the days I fight to remember how far I've come. I fight to forgive myself for the damage I did to my body for so long and the abuse I put it through.
My body will never look the same as someone who had always maintained this healthy weight. My body bears the scars of someone whose weight has gone up and down and up again for several years. But my body is amazing and resilient. It has brought me this far and now I plan to take good care of it so it can take me many years into the future.
To my body- I'm sorry and thank you. I am grateful for your strength and support.