Originally, my goal was to make it to under 200 by the end of this year. As the weight melted off quickly in the first few months, I realized I may need to adjust that goal so I moved it to under 200 by the end of June. In May I was just a few pounds away so I decided to see if I could get there by my birthday (June 8).
Today, Saturday, the day before my birthday, is my weekly weigh in day, so I stepped on the scale this morning in eager anticipation. I had woken up feeling good, and hopeful that I was at my goal (since last week I was about a pound and a half away). According to the scale I went up about a pound; 0.8 to be exact.
I was very disappointed. I tried to remind myself of how far I've already come and to keep in mind the big picture. I tried to remind myself that yesterday was an off day and I might just be retaining water. I tried to remind myself that this is a new day and I can make it a good one. Nothing helped.
As I started my morning exercises, determined to work even harder to get to the goal of 200 pounds, my mother observed that I looked sad. As I started to explain, the tears began flowing. I've been really struggling to get past the 200 mark for the last several weeks. I just keep losing and gaining the same pound, pound and a half.
As I lamented and reflected on what's going on in my life right now and the choices I've made I was able to bring up grace, love, and most importantly, compassion for myself. Of course I would be having a hard time getting past this. This is a big milestone. I've lost a lot of weight already and my body may be trying to hang on. My own father had trouble getting past this point for several months until just a few weeks ago. Some days I've been choosing to spend time with my boyfriend before he ships out to Navy boot camp, instead of my daily walk. It all makes sense.
But it also renews my determination to keep my health a priority in my life. I'm going to review what I've been doing and think about changes I could make. I'm also going to see my nutritionist to see if she can make some recommendations to help me get past this hump. And I'm going to keep giving myself compassion, grace, and love because I'm doing the best I can and I've already come so far.