Come on, admit it. You have an article of clothing hanging around that you hope to fit into again some day. Am I right? Of course I am.
I have a beautiful size 8 gray pencil skirt that I've been hanging on to. I haven't worn it since I was in my early 20's (I'm now officially in my mid-30's). But I haven't been saving it so I could fit into it again. I've been saving it as a reminder of how I want to feel again.
When I wore that skirt I felt beautiful, sexy, vibrant, alive, powerful, and so much more. When I was at my heaviest I no longer felt those things. I felt sluggish, big, awkward. I wanted to hide. I wanted to try to fool people into thinking I was smaller than I was.
The skirt has been hanging on the back of a door where I can see it as a reminder of those positive feelings I wanted to feel again. But life happens and things got hung on the hook and covered it up. But recently I started packing for my move this summer and I uncovered it and was reminded of my goal- to feel that way again.
Today as I was on my walk I realized that I feel that way again. I feel beautiful, sexy, vibrant, alive, powerful, desirable, full of life, full of desire to share myself with the world. I feel like me again. And guess what- I'm not at my goal weight yet. And that's ok.
I still have a ways to go to get to a healthy weight, but the biggest accomplishment is my positive reflection of myself. I feel like me again and I love me, whether I'm at my goal weight or not.
I had my own "little grey skirt" for years. I had to change my mindset of how I viewed myself before I even started to slim down. I used to look at it and see myself as too fat to fit in it. As something unworthy of being that slim ever again. It reminded me, like you, what it felt like to feel beautiful, sexy, vibrant, alive, powerful, etc. ...and I wasn't there any longer. I didn't think I could ever be there again. That had very negative repercussions on my self-esteem. It was hard to look at it.
ReplyDeleteI decided to spend time learning to love myself and accept myself. That took a long time. But when I did, my perception of myself and my relationship with that "little grey skirt" changed. No longer did I feel unworthy. No longer did I feel that shame, guilt, hatred, etc toward myself. I was able, although I was still much too large to fit into it, to see myself as all the things I used to and more. I changed my view of my "little grey skirt" to more of a reminder that no matter where I'm at, I can feel that way every day.
So over time it changed for me. It changed from that to being a goal of something I wanted to achieve. Not because I wasn't good enough, but because I wanted the challenge and I wanted to treat myself to a healthier body and lifestyle. I ended up being able to fit into that "little grey skirt" again and so I found another "little grey skirt". I worked toward that and I was able to fit into that. I'm still not at my optimal fitness level, but I'm working toward that every day. It's not that I don't love myself as I am, I do. I just have goals of being fit when I'm a father and running around with my kids, playing sports, and hiking, etc. when I'm 60. I love the changes I've made. I love the journey that I'm currently on. I'm not going to stop even when I can fit into this last "little grey skirt". It's a lifestyle level that I will continue to live as long as I'm able.
Thanks for the post. You've come SO far and you're an inspiration. I love that you're a part of my life. Thank you for sharing. :-) <3